Dear Queenie,
I’m going to university away from home, but my father was killed in an accident recently and I’m worried that with me away my mother is left all alone. She has friends, my father’s family and her church, but no family except for me, and all I have is her, but being away from home I also am all alone.
Queenie, what should I do?—Daughter in mourning
Dear Daughter,
Your mother has a “support network” in the form of friends, in-laws and church, so she is not entirely alone, and you can stay in close touch with her even though you are away from home, so you also are not entirely alone.
Also, your school should provide counselling services to give you some kind of additional support. Or, the school may allow you to take a semester off to get your life back on track, without further affecting your education.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a single woman in my 30s with a good job and lots of friends and relatives. What I don’t have is anyone to be in a serious relationship with. I have had a few dates but there wasn’t anyone I wanted to get serious about. I would like to get married and have children.
Queenie, how can I find a man I can love who wants the same things I want?—Lonely spinster
Dear Spinster,
Stop stressing on the subject. Nothing puts a good man off more than the feeling that he is the prey in a woman’s manhunt.
Let all your friends and relatives know what kind of man you would like to meet. Join groups that share your interests, and go to parties and other events where you can meet lots of people. And when you meet a man you like do not pounce on him – take it easy and let him get to know you slowly!
Dear Queenie,
I went out with my cousin and her boyfriend and a friend of his and I really liked the friend, but it turned out he already had a girlfriend and I don’t like cheaters.
Queenie, how do I start feeling better about all this?—The other woman
Dear Other woman,
Keep reminding yourself how much you do not like cheaters and do not respond if this guy tries to get in touch with you. And tell your cousin you do not want to see this guy again.
Dear Queenie,
When my son was 13 years old I had to move to the United States for my job, so I let him go to live with his father so that he could stay on the island that had always been his home and would grow up with a good male role model. (I divorced his father because he cheated on me, but he was always a good father to our son.)
My problem is that his father’s new wife has told him that I abandoned him and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, so I haven’t heard from him for years even though I tried to keep in touch. I think his stepmother doesn’t give him my letters and I know she won’t let me talk to him on the phone.
Queenie, how can I let him know I still love him and I want to hear from him?—Divorced mother
Dear Mother,
Ask your son’s father to tell him that you still love him and miss hearing from him.
If your son goes to high school or college away from home, you may be able to contact him there and tell him yourself. If he has already graduated, you may be able to get his address from the alumni association, and if he has any Internet presence on social media you may be able to contact him that way.
I wish you good luck.
Dear Queenie,
My parents live in the United States and visit us a couple of times a year. They usually stay with us and expect us to entertain them and take them places while they are here.
This year they are planning one of their visits for just the time my children will be getting ready for their exams, but I don’t want the kids distracted from their studying.
I told my parents all this and asked them to change the date of their visit, but they insist on coming right then.
Queenie, how can I get them to change their plans?—Reluctant host
Dear Host,
You parents may have very good reasons for choosing that date, but you have a very good reason for not being able to play host.
Tell your parents that if they insist on coming at that time you are sorry, but they cannot stay with you, and you and the children will not be free to entertain them. Give them the names of several hotels and guesthouses where they can stay, and a list of day trips they can take and places of interest they can visit, and tell them you hope they enjoy their trip and look forward to seeing them the next time they come.
