Dear Queenie,
My husband helps me around the house and with the children without being asked, but when it comes to sex he always waits for me to make the first move. I know he wants sex and he finds me attractive, but he always expects me to start things going.
Queenie, what is wrong with him?—Need some wooing
Dear Need,
Perhaps your husband is afraid of being turned down if he approaches you when you are not in the mood for sex.
Whatever the reason for his behaviour, I suggest professional counselling for both of you, preferably the two of you together, to help you understand each other’s preferences and needs.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for years, but up to now there is no commitment. Sometimes I stay overnight with him, but there is no talk about moving in together, let alone getting married. Things are great between us, but I want some kind of commitment and I can’t get it from him.
Queenie, should I just try to find someone else?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
It seems clear that your boyfriend is not willing to make any commitment to you. You will have to decide whether you are willing to settle for what you have now, or want to give it up to try to find something more with someone else.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost 2 years. A while ago he had dinner out with a friend I thought was a man, but when I asked how it went he didn’t want to talk about it. I found out a few days later that the friend was a woman, not a man, and when I told him what I knew he said they were just friends from work and he didn’t want me to know he had gone out with a woman because he was afraid I’d be jealous.
Then he started staying with his brother a couple of nights a week, leaving me alone, and now he says he is not sure he wants a permanent relationship with me and he is talking about moving out altogether. He says we will still be going out together, but there won’t be anything physical anymore.
Queenie, what am I supposed to think about all this?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Your boyfriend is moving out of your relationship step-by-step. You might as well face the fact and make it easy for him by telling him to move out and be done with it – leaving you free to find someone else.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is so determined to have a man in her life that nothing else matters. When we invite her to family occasions she won’t attend because she is hoping some man will ask her for a date. She spends a lot of time waiting alone with her phone for some man to call her instead of going out and doing things with family or friends.
We, her family, and her friends wish she would spend some time with us instead of always waiting for some man to call her.
Queenie, is there anything we can do?—Worried sister
Dear Sister,
Your sister’s behaviour is not intended to hurt you. She just does not feel that she is worth anything if she does not have a man in her life. Try to accept her as she is.
And, of course, any time you invite her to an event where you can tell her there will be some man you would like her to meet, I am sure she will want to attend.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who doesn’t drive, so I give her lifts whenever I can, but sometimes I just can’t help her. When this happens I try to explain why, but she gets mad and calls me a liar and stops speaking to me for a while.
Queenie, I want us to stay friends. What can I do?—Male friend (not boyfriend)
Dear Friend,
Stop letting your friend take advantage of you. Start asking her to chip in for gas whenever she rides with you. Remind her that you are doing her a favour, and when driving her is not convenient for you, tell her so clearly (but nicely). And if she stops speaking to you, at least you will not have to be giving her rides.
