Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going out together for almost a year, but up to now I haven’t met any of his family. He says he is divorced, but his family doesn’t believe it’s all over between him and his ex-wife. I think maybe they are hoping he and his ex will get back together.
I gave him until the end of the year to have me meet everyone.
Queenie, what is your opinion about all this?—Secret Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I think if your boyfriend were really ready to move on with his life after divorce he would be willing to let you meet his family. Or possibly he lied to you about being officially divorced.
Whatever the case, if you have not met his family by the end of the year, he may never be ready to make your relationship public and you should be prepared to end your relationship with him and move on with your own life.
Dear Queenie,
I take a class for older people at a local university along with the regular university students. Sometimes the other students will be chatting about something else while the professor is talking, which makes it hard for me to hear the professor. And then the chatterers will ask the professor to repeat what he said because they didn’t hear it.
Queenie, how do I get them to shut up and listen to the professor?—Older student
Dear Older student,
How about telling them – as politely as you can manage under the circumstances – “Please shut up and listen to the professor!”?
You might also want to discuss this matter with the professor. I am surprised that he (or she) has not noticed the problem and taken steps to solve the problem.
Dear Queenie,
My fiancé and I are moving in together and he told me he has a lot of pictures and letters from old girlfriends that he doesn’t want to just throw away. I used to have that kind of stuff too, but I have thrown it all away.
Queenie, will it be okay if he packs it all up in a box and puts it away in the back of a closet?—Jealous fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
Some people are sentimental, some are not. Making an issue of this will just make you look small-minded. Let him pack up all that stuff, give him a pretty bow to tie up the box, and put it away – out of sight, out of mind (I hope!).
Dear Queenie,
I was invited to a wedding and sent them a nice gift, but a few days before the ceremony I was informed that it had been cancelled. I never heard anything more from anyone, not the couple or their family, about why the wedding was cancelled, and I never even got a thank you note for the gift I sent.
Queenie, if they didn’t get married after all shouldn’t they have returned the gifts?—Cancelled wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Of course the gift should have been returned, with a note of thanks for the thought involved in sending it.
However, depending on the circumstances involved in the cancellation of the wedding, the couple and whoever was arranging the celebration may have been
completely overwhelmed by whatever had happened.
If you think you know any of these people well enough, feel free to ask them why the wedding was cancelled, and see if they make any mention of the gifts the (apparently not-so-happy) couple received.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has some habits that really bother me. For one thing, he smokes a lot, while I try to keep fit and stay healthy. He also spends a lot of time playing computer games.
Queenie, do I have any right to ask him to change these habits for my sake?—His girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Second-hand smoke can give you health problems, so you have a perfect right to ask that at least he not smoke when you are around – and if you live together, the smoke he creates when you are not there can linger and affect you seriously when you return, which must be taken into consideration.
Computer games can become addictive and he might need professional help overcoming such an addiction.
