Dear Queenie,
I know that it is still the custom in some cultures that if a man wants to marry a woman he should ask her father for his permission.
Queenie, what I want to know is, if the father is dead should the man ask for the mother’s permission?—Curious
Dear Curious,
It would be very nice, and respectful, for him to do so. However, first he should be sure his prospective fiancée wants to marry him. There is no point in asking the mother’s permission if the daughter is going to say “No”.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I didn’t have a big wedding, just a small civil ceremony with a couple of witnesses and a small reception a while later. Now our 10th anniversary is coming up and we want to have a big ceremony to renew our marriage vows.
Queenie, would that be okay?—Anniversary Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It would be more than “okay”, it would be wonderful. Ten years together is something to celebrate in a big way, and you will not be the only ones who have done so.
Dear Queenie,
If two people are accustomed to having sex together, is it okay for the man to have sex with the woman while she is asleep? I say it’s abuse. My sister disagrees.
Queenie, what do you say?—Just wondering
Dear Wondering,
If a man has sex with a woman without her consent, it is not just abuse, it is rape. And if the man is so incompetent that the woman does not wake up to either protest or give consent and join in on the act, I would not say they are having sex “together”.
Dear Queenie,
I have a daughter that I love, but I don’t like her very much because of the ways she reminds me of her father, my ex-husband.
Now I’m married again and we have a daughter together who is just the opposite of her older sister and I both love and like the younger girl.
Queenie, I’m so ashamed of the different ways I feel about the 2 girls. What can I do about it?—Sorry mother
Dear Mother,
The way your older daughter behaves may be a result of the way you treat her, and if you make a special effort to be more demonstrative toward her, hug her more often and show her that you really do love her, she may change the ways she behaves that you do not like. It may be difficult at first, but I am sure it will be effective in the long run.
Dear Queenie,
Sometimes when someone makes me angry I get so mad I feel like hitting them. One time I got so mad I punched the wall, but I hurt my fist and that made me even madder. I tried counting to 10, but that doesn’t help, it just makes things worse.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Mad Man
Dear Mad Man,
It is normal to get angry now and then, it happens to everyone. Learn to be aware of your anger when it begins to build up, before you start to lose control. It helps to find a constructive way(s) to express it. You can start by saying out loud – in a controlled manner – that whatever it is makes you angry. You can also keep a diary and write down what made you mad. That kind of venting does help.
You should also see a professional counsellor for more help than I can give you in learning to control and cope with your anger issues.
