Dear Queenie,
When a good friend since high school recently told me that her husband was cheating on her and asked me for advice, I told her I have been in love with her since high school and she replied that she has been in love with me too.
Now she is getting a divorce from her husband because of his cheating and once the divorce is final we plan to move in together. However, another friend of ours says we are committing adultery because she is breaking up her marriage to be with me.
Queenie, is that true? We haven’t had sex or done anything more than make plans for after the divorce is final.—Confused
Dear Confused,
According to the dictionary definition of “adultery”, you have not committed it.
If your friend has been in love with you all this time she could not have had a very good marriage and her husband’s cheating was the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.
Dear Queenie,
I borrowed a friend’s cell phone to make a call and saw some things on it that make me think she is cheating on her husband.
Queenie, should I try to talk to her about this?—Suspicious friend
Dear Friend,
It is one thing to make a call on someone else’s phone, and quite another to go through it looking at things that are none of your business. If your friend is having an affair, and if she wanted you to know about it, she would tell you.
The best thing you can do right now is keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.
Dear Queenie,
When I got pregnant by a man I was dating, but not serious about, he wanted me to have an abortion. I broke up with him instead and never told him when the baby was born.
Queenie, should I let him know in case he is willing to be a father to his child now that the baby is here?—Single mother
Dear Mother,
Whether he wants to be part of his child’s life or not, this man still has certain legal obligations such as child support. Of course, to enforce those obligations you may have to go through some DNA testing to prove his relationship to the child. You should consult a lawyer before you talk to your baby’s father.
Dear Queenie,
Dear Queenie, My husband’s sister planned a grand expensive party for their mother’s 80th birthday without discussing it with him, and just told him how much he owed her for his share of the cost. It was much more than my husband could afford and he told her so. He offered her what he could afford, which she took. We went to the party and everyone had a great time, and there was no more talk about money. But now she keeps saying how much more he owes her and asking when he is going to pay the rest.
Queenie, is this right?—Not rich
Dear Not rich,
Your sister-in-law should have discussed her plans with her brother before she spent a lot of money on the party. However, what is done is done. Perhaps, for the sake of peace in the family, your husband could arrange to pay her at least some of what she says he owes her, as much as he can afford, maybe bit by bit on an “instalment plan”.
Dear Queenie,
My son lives with his girlfriend in the US and the only way we can keep in touch these days is by phone, but he always puts me on speaker. I’ve never met his girlfriend and I don’t think she should be able to hear everything we talk about.
Queenie, is it okay for me to ask him not to use the speakerphone?—Annoyed mother
Dear Mother,
There are always some things that are best kept private. Of course you can ask your son not to use the speakerphone all the time, or at least not when you want to discuss private matters, although maybe just having her hear his side of the conversation might be more than you would wish. Perhaps you could arrange to talk to him, at least sometimes, when his girlfriend is not there.
