Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend has big – I mean BIG – breasts and she has a habit of walking around without a shirt or bra. I guess she thinks it turns me on, but actually seeing her that way turns me off.
Queenie, should I say something to her about it? I don’t want to insult her. What should I say?—Unexcited boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
Do not tell your girlfriend that you find her big breasts a turn-off. Just tell her – gently! – that they do not turn you on. And if she ever needs (or opts for) breast surgery, suggest that she go for reduction rather than maintaining the status quo or even enlargement.
Dear Queenie,
When my husband’s daughter from his first marriage visits us she wants him to only pay attention to her and she is very rude to me. I try to love her as if she was my own child, but it is hard to do when she is so nasty with me.
Queenie, I think my husband should insist that his daughter at least be polite to me even if she doesn’t like me. Is that asking too much?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
No. Every child should be taught to be at least polite to their elders, especially when they are somehow related, even if only by marriage as in your case.
However, you should make a point of giving your stepdaughter plenty of time alone with her father, so that she does not feel that she has to compete with you for his attention, which may be the cause of (or at least contribute to) her rude behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been invited to a wedding where there will be a lot of people. I have a small child and they told me to bring the child with me, but my child does not do well in strange places and crowds of people. I want very much to be there, but I think that for my child’s sake I should not go.
Queenie, am I wrong?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
No, you are not wrong. Your child’s well-being should come first. Would it be possible to leave the child at home with a babysitter while you go to the wedding? Or, if you have to travel to the wedding, could you find a babysitter to stay with your child while you attend the festivities? That is, if your child will adjust well enough to a single stranger in your absence.
Dear Queenie,
I got married right after college so I haven’t got any recent dating experience, but now I’m divorced and I’ve started dating again. It seems like now the men expect to have sex with you after just a few dates.
Queenie, is this the way things are now, or am I just unlucky about the kind of men I meet?—Fed up, but lonely
Dear Fed up,
Not all men are like that. Just tell them you do not do things like that. The ones who only want sex will not call again, but some men may actually find you more attractive for not being promiscuous.
You might also give some thought to how you go about meeting new men in the first place.
Dear Queenie,
A few years ago I found out that my husband was having an affair with his girlfriend from high school, who was (and still is) also married. They ended it when I told them I knew what was going on and since then my husband and I have made up and are doing very well together.
However, I still wonder whether I should have told that woman’s husband, even though I promised her I wouldn’t.
Queenie, what do you think?—Keeping her secret
Dear Keeping,
It has been several years since your husband’s affair with this woman ended. Do you really know what she has been doing since then? Has she been faithful to her husband since she ended the affair with yours? And, is it possible that her husband knew about her affair with your husband and patched things up with his wife when that affair ended, as you did with your husband?
Whatever has been going on between them since then, you probably would be causing both of them unnecessary grief by bringing up a past that is over and done with. Try to forget all about it.
