Dear Queenie,
When my ex-stepmother died the notice in the newspaper said she was a “loving wife and mother.” I know that’s the kind of thing they always say, but it’s just not true. Actually she was an abusive alcoholic who cheated on my father several times while they were married which is why he divorced her.
Queenie, I hate to think that is how she will be remembered. How can I let everyone know the truth?—Angry stepchild
Dear Stepchild,
Just keep talking about her the way you did in your letter to me. People will hear and remember what you say.
Of course, they might not think well of you for talking that way about someone who is dead and gone and cannot defend herself.
Dear Queenie,
A girl my son used to date got a crush on my husband and stayed in touch with us (mostly him) after my son stopped seeing her. She is always calling or texting him to tell him what she is doing and ask for advice.
He says he is just mentoring her and there is nothing else to it, but I can tell there is something more, if only for her.
Queenie, should I ignore all this or should I insist that he cuts her off?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
I suspect your husband is flattered by all the attention he is getting from this probably attractive young woman. Try not to worry about it, just wait for her to get over it, which she eventually will when her life fills up with more interesting matters (and boys!).
Dear Queenie,
My father claims he loves my children very much, but whenever he has a disagreement with me about anything he stops seeing or even talking to them. Once we have settled our disagreement he goes back to being a loving grandfather to them.
Queenie, what kind of way is this for him to behave?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
Being annoyed with one person and taking it out on their children is a very self-centred way for anyone to behave. Try to help your children understand that that is just how Grandpa is and has nothing to do with them.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t like myself very much. I think I weigh too much, I’m not good-looking or smart and I’m not good at making friends.
Queenie, what can I do?—Self-conscious teenager
Dear Teenager,
Stop worrying so much about what you think is wrong with you and concentrate on what is right and on making the “wrong” things better.
Because you think you weigh too much, start eating healthy and exercising more.
You may not be able to make yourself better-looking, but you can keep yourself well- and neatly-dressed.
Being a good listener in conversations is just as important as being smart. People appreciate having others listen to what they are saying instead of trying to “one-up” them in a conversation.
Also, start participating in projects that help other people. Everyone will think well of you for what you do, and you will not have so much time to think about what is “wrong” with yourself.
Dear Queenie,
I have been taking courses at university that will lead to a career in a field that interests me very much and I think I will do well in it. However, my mother wants me to take different courses and study for another kind of career because she thinks it will pay better. She even stopped talking to me when I refused to follow her advice.
Queenie, should I do what my mother wants?—Unhappy son
Dear Son,
If you are old enough to be going to university and thinking about a life-time career, you are old enough to make your own choices. If your mother chooses to cut you off for doing so – for growing up! – so be it. And if you have trouble dealing with the emotional effects this situation has on you, get professional counselling.
