Dear Queenie,
Years ago when I visited my aunt, her boyfriend hugged me from behind and rubbed himself against me. When I went home I told my parents but I don’t think they ever said anything to my aunt about it.
Now my aunt has married her boyfriend, so he is my uncle and he comes to all our family gatherings, and I worry that he might do something to some of the young girls who are my cousins or my cousins’ kids.
Queenie, should I tell someone? Who should I tell?—Molester’s victim
Dear Victim,
A molester usually does not change his (or her!) habits without outside intervention, so it is important for your relatives to be informed so that their children can be protected. Talk to your parents again, and if they still refuse to say anything to anyone, talk to the parents of all the young girls in your family.
They may not believe you, and they may be angry at you for what you are saying, but this is something they need to know.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend went to her best friend’s wedding, but I wasn’t invited. I heard that she danced with her friend’s brother at the reception. My friends say she shouldn’t dance with anyone else but me and she wouldn’t want to if she really cared about me.
Queenie, are they right?—Left out
Dear Left out,
No, they are wrong. Dancing with someone other than one’s boyfriend (or girlfriend) is not cheating on him (or her). Even if you had been at the wedding with your girlfriend, you both might have had an occasional dance with someone else.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is so far gone with Alzheimer’s that he doesn’t talk to anyone. All he does is stare around blankly without reacting to anything. He doesn’t even know who I am anymore.
Queenie, is it wrong for me to have a romantic relationship with another (unmarried) man?—Lonely wife
Dear Wife,
Technically, of course, you would be cheating on your husband – committing adultery if the relationship goes that far. However, your husband is incapable of functioning in that capacity and never will be again, and meanwhile you have your life to live.
As long as your husband is properly cared for, I cannot fault you for finding happiness wherever you can.
Dear Queenie,
A few months after we bought a new home my husband lost his job and we couldn’t keep up the payments. He was angry at me all the time and started seeing other women and when I found out he lied to me about it.
I love him, but I don’t trust him anymore.
Queenie, should I leave him?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
A good marriage must be based on mutual trust and concern for each other. Your husband cheats and lies and takes out his unhappiness by getting angry at you.
If you can persuade him to go with you for professional marriage counselling, there might be a chance to save your marriage, but if he will not go with you, go by yourself for help in deciding how and when to end it.
Dear Queenie,
My sister went through a nasty divorce from her husband and our mother has done everything she can to protect their daughter from all the nastiness. Now the rest of the family have lost contact with the girl because she only goes to her grandmother for everything.
Queenie, do you think this is right?—Worried Aunt
Dear Aunt,
If your niece turns mostly to her grandmother because she finds it easy to talk to her and confide in her because Grandma is so understanding and comforting, I see no problem. However, if Grandma is deliberately keeping the girl away from the rest of the family, no, that is not right.
Do your best to see your niece whenever you can and let her know that you, too, are there for her if she needs you. But do not push the matter too hard, for fear of alienating her further.
