Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and recently he proposed to me. I am excited about it, but also worried, because I found out he cheated on me a couple of times when we first got together. We worked things out and stayed together and now things are good between us, but sometimes I still worry about what might happen.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Perhaps you are remembering the saying about the leopard not being able to change its spots.
Take a good long time to set a wedding date and in the meantime see how he behaves.
Dear Queenie,
I was dating a wonderful girl for almost a year until suddenly she told me the way she felt about me had changed, so we stopped dating. However, she still calls me sometimes just to chat or asks me to drop by so she won’t be alone.
Queenie, I still feel the same way I always did about her and it’s very confusing.
Should I try to get her to start going with me again?—Ex-boyfriend
Dear Ex-boyfriend,
This girl is treating you like a good friend, not a boyfriend. If that is not enough for you, you will not get over her as long as you keep hoping she has changed her mind, so stop seeing or talking to her entirely and start looking for someone else to fill the role of girlfriend.
Dear Queenie,
When I was little I wanted to be a singer and my family just loved the idea. However, now that I am older I have become interested in other things and I would rather study law or business, but I don’t want to disappoint my family.
Queenie, how do I explain it to them?—Changing my tune
Dear Changing,
Your family may be disappointed, but they will get over it. The truth is that performing artistes are not always successful. Being a lawyer or a businessman (or -woman) can also be a fruitful career. Do what you find most satisfying.
Dear Queenie,
I’m not antisocial, but I do need time to be by myself to just read or watch TV or whatever I feel like doing at the moment. But there is always some friend or relative or neighbour who calls or drops in to keep me company so I won’t be all alone.
Queenie, how do I explain to them when that happens that “alone” is just what I want to be?—Retiree
Dear Retiree,
It is quite alright to – politely – tell a person who drops in or calls that you are busy doing (whatever) or that you need to be by yourself at that moment and please to come or call back at (whatever time you would welcome their company or conversation). Eventually they will get the idea.
But try to make some time when you would welcome a little company, so that you do not find yourself totally isolated.
Dear Queenie,
Since my wife started menopause we haven’t had much of a sex life. I don’t want to cause her any trouble, and I won’t go out and have an affair, but I miss what we used to have.
Queenie, why does this happen and what can I do about it?—Frustrated husband
Dear Husband,
When women start menopause their hormone levels go down, their sex drive drops and sometimes having sex actually becomes painful. Have you talked to your wife about this? If she talks to her family doctor and/or a gynaecologist about it she may be able to get some help.
