Dear Queenie,
My father claims he loves my children very much, but whenever he has a disagreement with me about anything he stops seeing or even talking to them. Once we have settled our disagreement he goes back to being a loving grandfather to them.
Queenie, what kind of way is this for him to behave?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
Being annoyed with one person and taking it out on their children is a very self-centred way for anyone to behave. Try to help your children understand that that is just how Grandpa is and has nothing to do with them.
Dear Queenie,
I have been taking courses at university that will lead to a career in a field that interests me very much and I think I will do well in it. However, my mother wants me to take different courses and study for another kind of career because she thinks it will pay better. She even stopped talking to me when I refused to follow her advice.
Queenie, should I do what my mother wants?—Unhappy son
Dear Son,
If you are old enough to be going to university and thinking about a life-time career, you are old enough to make your own choices. If your mother chooses to cut you off for doing so – for growing up! – so be it. And if you have trouble dealing with the emotional effects this situation has on you, get professional counselling.
Dear Queenie,
My hair is long, almost down to my waist, and I like it that way, but some people I know keep telling me I should cut it short and donate the cut-off hair to one of those charities that make wigs or hair-pieces for people who have lost their hair from cancer.
I donate money to these charities, but I don’t want to cut my hair.
Queenie, am I being selfish like they keep telling me?—Rapunzel
Dear Rapunzel,
Not at all. Just tell these people, “I support these charities in other ways,” and change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My husband never says “no” to our children or corrects them when they do something wrong. He says I’m bad for expecting them to behave themselves and treat us with respect, and for scolding them and even punishing them when they don’t.
Queenie, who is right here?—Strict mother
Dear Mother,
You are.
It is both parents’ job to teach their children right from wrong, and your husband should be backing you up in doing so, not trying to undermine your efforts. But you should be careful not to be overly strict with your children, as this might lead them to rebel as they grow older.
Dear Queenie,
I have a school-age daughter and before all this COVID-19 business several of her friends in the neighborhood used to come over to our house to play and they would stay for lunch or dinner and it was starting to get expensive paying for all that food.
Queenie, what can I do when things get back to normal?—Not-rich mother
Dear Mother,
When things get back to normal, have a friendly talk with these children’s parents. If they cannot or will not help pay for the food their children consume, send the kids home at mealtime.
