Dear Queenie,
My mother is in her 70s and claims to have several ailments that keep her from going out of the house. All she ever wants to talk about is what is wrong with her.
I know she may not be totally healthy, but staying in all the time and not getting any exercise can’t be good for her.
Queenie, how can I help her?—Worried son
Dear Son,
Do not try to get your mother to take care of herself the way you would like her to do. See to it that she sees her doctor – go with her if you can arrange to do so – and gets tested, and treated if necessary, for whatever she thinks is wrong with her.
And if there is a programme in the community that you think she would enjoy, offer to take her there and to participate with her.
Dear Queenie,
Recently I found out that my cat has a medical condition that requires me to give her medication a couple of times a day. When my mother found out she said maybe I should have the cat put to sleep.
Queenie, she has a cat of her own so she should understand how I feel. Why would she say such a thing?—Cat lover
Dear Cat lover,
Not everyone is willing to take such devoted care of a pet, and your mother said what she said before thinking about how you might feel about it – if she even understood how you might feel. Try to forgive her.
And I wish you and your cat good fortune.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend always wears his shirt open to the waist. He has a very hairy chest and sometimes when we’re in public people notice it and whisper and even point at him.
I find this embarrassing and I mentioned it to him but he said it was no big deal.
Queenie, what do you say?—Embarrassed girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Point out to your boyfriend that when people point at him and whisper about him, they are not paying him any compliments. Tell him how embarrassed you are by all this and ask him to button up his shirt in public for your sake if not his own.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I were best friends when we got married. Then his mother moved back to where we live and she doesn’t like me, so she tried to make everyone else not like me too.
She has said a lot of bad things about me to my husband and he believes her and things between us have changed.
Queenie, if I wait and pray for it do you think he will change back to how he was when I married him?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
When your husband is around his mother he goes back to being what she raised him to be. Talk to him about this. If he is willing to try to be like he was when you married him, give him a chance to do so. If he needs help with it, get professional counselling for both of you – him to learn to be more like you would have him be, and you to learn how to help him do so, and how to cope with him when he reverts to his former self.
Dear Queenie,
My teenage son plays on a sports team at his school and me and my husband, who is a great stepfather, go every time to watch him play. My son told me he would like it if his father (my ex-husband) would come to see him play too so I sent my ex a schedule of when he would be playing and told him his son would like it if he showed up once in a while, but up to now he hasn’t. I even called him on a game day to remind him, but he still didn’t come.
My husband says if my ex was a good father he would show up without being reminded and I should just leave him alone.
Queenie, is my husband right?—Concerned mother
Dear Mother,
Your ex may have business or other matters that conflict with his son’s sports schedule. You have done all you can by sending him the schedules and letting him know he is welcome to show up. And your son is old enough to call his father himself and invite him to attend. It is up to your ex whether or not he does so.
