Dear Queenie,
I am an office manager, and I am tired. Not from the workload itself, but from having to address issues that should not exist among grown professionals. We share a workspace, including restrooms, and there is a recurring problem with basic hygiene. The space is sometimes left in a condition that is inconsiderate and frankly unsanitary for the next person. This is not a one-time incident.
It happens often enough that I find myself having to step in and remind adults about standards that should be automatic. What makes it more frustrating is that I am the one who ends up dealing with it—addressing it, thinking about how to phrase it, and carrying the discomfort of raising something that should not need to be raised at all. We are all working women. Educated. Professional. Yet here I am, managing behavior that feels far below that level. Queenie, how do I deal with this without becoming resentful? And how do you hold a standard when it feels like others simply don’t care? —Tired of Managing Adults
Dear Tired of Managing Adults,
You are not reacting to one issue. You are reacting to the gap between expectation and reality. You expect a shared professional space to be maintained with a basic level of care. That is reasonable. What you are encountering is something else entirely: anonymity in shared spaces. When responsibility is not clearly assigned, some people disengage. They assume someone else will deal with it, or worse, they simply do not prioritize the impact of their behavior on others. This is not a maturity issue. It is an accountability issue. And that distinction matters, because it changes how you respond. Repeated reminders to “everyone” often fail because the people who are already mindful continue to be, and the ones responsible do not see themselves in the message. At a certain point, the approach has to shift. Standards in a workplace are not maintained by hope or politeness alone. They are maintained by clear expectations and consequences when those expectations are not met. That does not mean confrontation. It means structure. As for your frustration, it is valid. But it will continue as long as you are carrying both the responsibility and the emotional burden of the situation. Step out of the emotional role. Step into the managerial one. You are not there to feel embarrassed for addressing it. You are there to ensure the environment meets a standard. And sometimes, that means accepting that not everyone will rise to it without being required to. —Queenie
