Through Cam's Lens: NYE

“Lately I feel like it’s me versus me,

don’t see competition,

why would you compete? (Huh?)”

New Year’s Eve again. I don’t even remember what I told you guys last year – well kind of. One of the things I believe I mentioned was to not let anyone tell you dookie about your New Year’s resolution. Besides the fact that people need to mind their own business, people need to mind their own business.

And okay, to be clear, I’m not talking about the BS New Year’s resolution that a lot of people make; the ones they forget about by January 7th. I’m talking about making a plan, creating a guide and setting goals for your new year. Again, yes, you can set goals and create plans at any time, but I don’t know, there’s just something special about starting at the beginning.

Like even though Sunday is technically the first day of the week, there’s just something about starting something new on Monday. Months are so much easier to track when the first lands on a Monday; it’s just something that it does mentally.

This year I only have one resolution and it is to stop self-sabotaging. Alright, so before I even go there I also have little plans that I want to put into place and goals that I kind of want to accomplish this year. For example one of the things that I want to do is try to get to 15 per cent body fat by my birthday. Another thing that I wanna do is to get good enough at videography that people start to hire me to create videos for them. Another thing I want to do is finish the bottom half of my sleeve on my right arm – that may not be so much of a real goal, but it is something that I want to complete.

Back to the self-sabotaging.

There is just something about expectation. It creates this type of internal pressure that if not properly managed can go pretty south, pretty fast. External expectations have always been a pressure for me, but I also have this internal expectation of myself that really, really doesn’t help the situation much. It’s hard out here for a pimp when he’s trying to make this money for the rent. OK! No I’m just playing.

It’s hard when you set this bar for yourself and you find yourself being unable to meet said bar. It makes you want to quit, stop whatever you’re doing and pretty much just withdraw. None of which actually help the situation, but in those moments none of that even matters. Whatever takes that “pain” away in those moments always feels like the best decision.

So over the years, what I find that I’ve always done is pretty much self-sabotage myself. That way if I don’t meet the expectations that I set for myself or if I don’t meet the expectations that other people have of me, then I have an excuse, then I have a reason. And you know thinking about it, it sounds dark, like why would you want to see your self do bad? Why would you want to stunt your own growth for the sake of a false safety net? There’s really no logic behind it, it does not make any sense, but it feels good.

Having a way out – a cop out, a loophole, a fall back plan – just a means not having to take full responsibility for not meeting those expectations, whether they were even realistic or not.

So what I want you to try to do, and what I plan to do for myself, is set goals and have resolutions that create automatic mini moments to celebrate. For example, if you decide that you want to lose 50lbs by September, then it’s hard to really celebrate anything until you get to that 50. However, if your resolution was to live a fit life (or fitter life) then every time you go to the gym is a celebratory moment. Every time you turn down a soda, or drive past the McDonalds drive through, is a reason to celebrate. Before you know it, without feeling pressured, you’ve lost 50lbs by September.

Hopefully that works for you. Hopefully it works for me.

Have a Happy New Year guys. And. Uhm. Thanks for rocking with your boy!

*Yo, Siri, play Me Vs. Me by Moneybagg Yo*