Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman who had a head injury that left me with a bald spot on my head. I usually wear a hat when I go out and sometimes someone tells me it’s rude to wear a hat indoors and I should take it off.
Queenie, what’s a good answer for people like that?—Covered head
Dear Covered head,
You could reply that it is even more rude to complain about the way another person dresses without knowing why they dress that way.
You could also talk to a professional hairdresser about getting a hairpiece that you can wear when you go out, instead of a hat.
Dear Queenie,
I have an expensive vacuum cleaner that my sister keeps wanting to borrow. I keep saying “no” but I think she borrowed it anyway when I was away for a few days and she was looking after the house and feeding my dog.
She can’t afford to buy one of her own and now she wants to borrow it again.
Queenie, how do I say “no” and make it stick? And how do I keep her from borrowing it if I have to go away again?—Older sister
Dear Sister,
You could let your sister borrow the vacuum cleaner, but give it to her without a bag and tell her she will have to buy her own vacuum-cleaner bags – and ask her to take out the bag when she is done so you will not have to clean up after her.
And if you think she might borrow the vacuum cleaner without your permission while you are away, you may have to find someone else to look after your house and feed your dog.
Dear Queenie,
There are some people I would rather not have come to my funeral when I die.
Queenie, should I make a list of the people I don’t want there and keep it with my will?—Looking ahead
Dear Looking ahead,
People go to a funeral both to pay respects to the deceased and to offer condolences and comfort to those left behind. I hope you will give the latter reason the consideration it deserves.
The funeral announcement can indicate who will be welcome at the service and who can be contacted for further information.
Dear Queenie,
I had a short affair with a man I know from work. I ended it right away when my husband found out.
My husband said he forgave me and I thought that was the end of it, but we haven’t had sex since he found out about the affair. We never had sex very much before that, which was part of why I got involved with the other man, but since my husband found out about the affair we haven’t had sex at all. Never!
My husband says he loves me and forgives me for the affair and just isn’t interested in sex anymore.
Queenie, should I believe him? Is this what things will be like from now on?—Frustrated wife
Dear Wife,
It could be that your husband is still angry about the affair, even though he says he has forgiven you.
However, because you say he did not have sex with you very often even before the affair, it is possible that he has some physical problem. Encourage him to have a complete physical check-up, including tests of his hormone levels (especially testosterone).
Professional counselling for both of you, separately and/or together, might also help.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Two of our best friends are my best friend since high school and her husband. Recently her husband made a pass at me and tried to get me to have sex with him. Of course I refused and we haven’t seen either of them since.
I told my husband about it and he thinks I should tell her what her husband did, but I’m afraid she will blame me too and it will ruin our friendship.
Queenie, what should I do?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
Whatever you do, there has been damage to your friendship with this couple. Whether you keep this a secret or tell her, it will affect your relationship with your “best friend since high school”.
If you and your husband decide not to say anything to the wife, tell her husband you are still offended, but for his wife’s sake you will forgive him. But make it clear to him that if he ever does anything like this again your friend, his wife, will hear about it right away.
