Dear Queenie,
I just found out that my daughter, who is 15, and her boyfriend, who is 16, have been having sex. I always liked this boy and I’m afraid if I tell them they can’t see each other anymore they will just sneak around behind my back.
I have talked to my daughter about the possible consequences but I’m still afraid of what might happen.
Queenie, how can I keep my daughter safe?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
You have every reason to be worried. Even if she and her boyfriend promised to stop having sex, their adolescent hormones are driving them and the odds are they would eventually break their promise.
All you can do now is take your daughter to your family doctor and/or consult Planned Parenthood or an equivalent local organisation (online if necessary and possible) so they can learn how to control the possible outcome of their activity.
Dear Queenie,
My husband told me once that he sometimes dreamed about having sex with two women at the same time – a “three-way” with me and some other woman, but I told him to forget about it, it was never going to happen. All the same, he still mentions it once in a while.
Queenie, how can I get him to forget this idea once and for all?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
I doubt there is anything you can say to end your husband’s fantasies, but as long as it is only a fantasy I do not think you need to let it bother you too much.
But to give him an idea how it makes you feel, you might ask him how he would feel if he thought you were also fantasising about a “three-way” – with him and another man.
Dear Queenie,
My son and his wife both have good jobs, but they do not pay their bills on time and his mother and I get calls from collection agents looking for them. Now they want to take out a loan for a new car and they want us to co-sign.
Queenie, we are retired and we have enough to live on, but we are afraid of getting stuck with the debt. On the other hand, what if they stop letting us see our grandchildren?—Worried grandparents
Dear Grandparents,
If debt collectors are calling you looking for your son and his wife, it means they are already not paying their bills, which means there is a good chance you will get stuck with the debt if you co-sign a loan with them. And do they really need a new car?
If they stop letting you see your grandchildren, that is a risk you will have to take.
On the other hand, if your son and his wife get in real financial trouble – even bankruptcy – there is a good chance they will have to come to live with you, if you are able to take them in, or that you will be given custody of their children if they cannot find adequate living quarters.
Dear Queenie,
I hear a lot of complaints about people not getting “thank you” notes for gifts they have given or sent. It seems people do not understand that they have to train their children to do this chore, just like all other tasks.
When my children were small I would not let them wear or use or play with any gift until they had written – and sent – a “thank you” note, even just a short one. And after a certain amount of time, if the note had not been written and sent, the gift would be donated to a charity and my child would never see it again.
Now they are raising their own children the same way.
Queenie, what do you think of that?—Proud mother
Dear Mother,
Good for you!
And what a good idea for other parents to take heed of.
Dear Queenie,
My father passed away a few years ago. They always used to make a big celebration for their anniversary and I never know what to do when the date comes up. I don’t want to just ignore it but I don’t feel right telling my mother, “Happy anniversary.”
Queenie, what do you suggest?—His daughter
Dear Daughter,
If your mother lives nearby, invite her to dinner on that date. She will know what date it is and you can be guided by what she says or does not say or do. If she lives too far away for you to get together with her, give her a call and, again, be guided by what she says or does not say.
