Dear Queenie,

  My boyfriend’s family comes from a different country. They speak English very well, but it is not their native language. My problem is that when we all get together they all talk in their native language and I do not understand what they are saying, so I am left out of the conversation.

  Queenie, am I wrong to think they should speak a language I understand?—Offended girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend,

  If they know you do not understand the language they are using, yes, they are being rude to you. When it happens, you could speak up, apologise for not understanding what they are saying and ask them to speak in English.

  However, you also might want to take a course in their language – you probably can find one online – and won’t they be surprised when you start to understand what they are saying!

  But I also have to wonder why your boyfriend, knowing you cannot understand what is being said, does not ask them to speak English for your sake. Doesn’t he care that you feel left out, or could they be saying things he doesn’t want you to hear?

Dear Queenie,

  My husband and I went to counselling for some problems we were having, but he quit when the counsellor said something he didn’t like to hear.

  Queenie, how can I get him to go back?—His wife

Dear Wife,

  The only way to solve a problem is to work through it, with professional help if necessary. It is quite likely that a counsellor will say things one or both of you do not want to hear, but the counselling will only be effective if both of you stick with it and figure out a way to work out your problems.

  You can tell your husband I said so, if you think it will help to get him to go back – or will he also refuse to listen to what I say?

Dear Queenie,

  A few weeks ago my father, who is almost 80, said he felt dizzy and “couldn’t think right.” Then when he tried to do a puzzle in the newspaper he asked us the same question over and over.

  I told my mother he must be sick and she should take him to see his doctor or even the emergency room at the hospital, but she wouldn’t do it, so I called his doctor and he said, yes, I should take him to the hospital so they could check him out for possibly a stroke, but my mother just got mad at me for interfering in their private business.

  I talked to my father and told him what the doctor said and he agreed to go see him, but when he did he didn’t tell him about all his symptoms.

  Queenie, Dad seems to be getting worse, or at least not getting any better. Should I keep on trying to help him or do like Mom says and mind my own business?—Worried son

Dear Son,

  Very often a person will make light of their spouse’s health problems because it is easier to believe that everything will be alright than to worry about them all the time.

  You should keep trying to help your father, but try to include your mother in the process. And ask your father to take you with him the next time he goes to see his doctor (and make sure that is soon, even if you have to make the appointment yourself) so that you can hear for yourself what the doctor says and see to it that they follow up on it.

  And be sure to let them know you will be there to help as much as you can.

Dear Queenie,

  I have a full-time job, sometimes with overtime, and my wife works too. Then when we get home from work she is always after me to help out with cleaning the house or cooking a meal.

  Queenie, why does she want me to do her woman’s work?—Fed-up husband

Dear Husband,

  If your wife has a job and is contributing financially to your marriage, she is doing your “man’s work” and it is only fair that you share her “woman’s work”.

  If you refuse to do so, my advice is for her: Use (at least some of) the income from your outside job to hire someone clean the house and do the cooking.