Dear Queenie,
My husband cheated on me with my own sister. When I found out, he promised to end things with her and never do anything like that again and I think he has kept that promise, but now my mother, who is almost 90, is very sick and probably won’t live much longer.
I can’t stand to be anywhere around my sister and she wants to come see our mother before she dies and after she dies my sister will probably be at her funeral.
Queenie, how can I take care of my mother and pay respects after she is gone and deal with my sister at the same time?—Already grieving for Mom
Dear Already grieving,
I am glad you have managed to work things out with your husband.
As for your sister, I hope you can manage to just totally ignore her whenever you are in the same room with her – not look at her or speak to her, just pretend she is not there – while you are polite or even friendly with everyone else.
Dear Queenie,
I raised my daughter to behave quietly in the house and to have respect for other people’s belongings, but she is not raising my grandchildren that way.
Queenie, what can I do when they come to visit me and they run around making all sorts of noise and messing with my things?—Disgusted grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Either you will have to make your home soundproof and your belongings childproof, or you will have to have contact with your daughter and her children only in their home.
Dear Queenie,
My children often do not include me when they have a family get-together with their children (my grandchildren) because they say they don’t know if I am available. All they would have to do would be to call me to find out. They expect me to call them when I want to see them, but they never call me just to chat. And when I call them and invite them to my house, all they talk about is what they have been doing together without me.
I stopped calling them for a while and didn’t hear from them at all until I started calling again.
Queenie, what can I do to make things better?—Lonely grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Families, especially teenagers, tend to get busy with outside interests and often lose touch with their older relatives. Go on calling them and inviting them to your home and/or taking them out for a meal or some special event if you can afford it, and try not to fret about the fact that they do not keep in closer touch with you.
Dear Queenie,
My wife used to drink a lot, but she started going to Alcoholics Anonymous and now she has stopped drinking entirely. I never drank very much but I do like to have a beer now and then. She says it’s okay, but now I feel guilty when I do because she can’t join me.
Queenie, should I expect to never drink again because she can’t?—Husband who wants a drink
Dear Husband,
Try to be considerate and make a sacrifice for your wife’s sake. Stick to non-alcoholic beverages when you are with her and only drink anything alcoholic when she is not around.
Dear Queenie,
I am my parents’ youngest child of six. Our oldest brother is 20. He graduated high school but didn’t go on to college and refused to even look for a job. He just sits around all day doing nothing and won’t even help around the house.
My parents both work and my next oldest brother got a job after he graduated from high school and I have a part-time job after school.
Queenie, what can we do to help our oldest brother?—Fed-up sibling
Dear Sibling,
Your brother may just be depressed, but he should be screened for mental and physical problems and possible drug and/or alcohol abuse. He may just need to be forced to support himself and take responsibility for finding his own place to live.
A professional counsellor can help him and all of you learn how to deal with whatever problem(s) he may have and how to motivate him to try to help himself do better.
