Dear Queenie,
Someone I know gave me a gift that they now expect me to put on display in the front part of my home. It is not the kind of thing I would choose for myself and it’s not something I can easily just put out for them to see when they come to visit me.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Don’t really want it
Dear Don’t want it,
Except for things like family heirlooms, the recipient of a gift has no obligation beyond thanking the donor. If you can exchange the gift for something you like better, do so and be sure to thank the person who gave you the original gift. Or you can donate the unwanted item to a charitable organisation (in their name if you so choose), again being sure to thank the person who gave it to you.
Dear Queenie,
I am a successful professional woman. I have been told that I am physically very attractive to men, but they find me intimidating because I am so successful and don’t need anyone to take care of me – that is, to support me financially.
I would like to find a man to share things with and live with and have children with, but I cannot imagine being a submissive “clinging vine” just to support a man’s ego.
Queenie, what chance do I have?—Independent woman
Dear Independent woman,
There are many men who find a successful independent woman intimidating, but there also are others who will consider you an amazing life partner. You just have to keep on looking for them. Surely you have friends who can help by introducing you to such men whom they know. You might also meet such men by volunteering with organisations that offer assistance to people in need.
Dear Queenie,
I own a small business and after my office assistant got married and quit my wife decided to take over that job. The problem is that she comes to work late and leaves early, so our office hours are not dependable for clients, and when she is there she doesn’t do the work very well.
I could afford to hire someone else to do the job, but my wife says if she can’t work in the business she will file for divorce.
Queenie, I love my wife and a divorce is the last thing I want. How can I get her to quit the job and stay married?—Worried husband
Dear Husband,
Hire an “assistant” for your wife who will see to it that the work gets done correctly and on time, and find other duties for your wife to fulfil in the office that will not disrupt business if they are not carried out well and on time.
And if you can find something outside of the business that will keep your wife occupied, so much the better.
Dear Queenie,
A member of my family molested me when I was a teenager, but our family had a good life and other than that he treated me very well. He is long gone now, but I still remember him with some affection.
Queenie, is that a normal way to feel?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Yes, it is normal to care for someone in spite of their deficiencies. I congratulate you for being able to remember the good things in your life as well as the bad ones.
Dear Queenie,
I hate funerals. I prefer to remember someone I knew and maybe loved the way they were alive, not lying dead in a casket and buried underground or burned into ashes.
I guess some people think me not showing up at the funeral is disrespectful or means that I don’t care that the deceased person is gone, but that isn’t true.
Queenie, how can I make them understand?—Truly in mourning
Dear In mourning,
There is no rule of etiquette that requires you to attend a funeral. People mourn in different ways.
You can show respect for the deceased and sympathy for the other mourners by writing a letter of condolence, perhaps sharing some happy memory of the deceased with them and/or making a contribution to the deceased’s favourite charity in his or her name.
