Dear Queenie,
I am allergic to certain foods and my family and my friends know about it, but sometimes they will serve me something I am allergic to and insist that just a little bit won’t hurt me.
Queenie, how can I make them understand that it only takes a little bit to set off my allergy?—Seriously allergic
Dear Seriously allergic,
At best, an allergic reaction is uncomfortable, but a serious reaction could even be fatal. There are all too often news stories about serious or fatal allergic reactions, especially around holiday time.
For what it is worth, show them this column. Or, get a note from your doctor telling you what food(s) you must avoid and carry a copy with you to show anyone who does not seem to understand.
Dear Queenie,
My husband gave me a beautiful bracelet and necklace, but I am allergic to the metal they are made of.
Queenie, should I tell him and risk hurting his feelings or just put them away and never wear them?—Allergy Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Does your husband not know about your allergy? If not, it is high time to explain it to him, or, if he does (or should) know, to remind him about it. Either way, explain the problem to him and suggest going together to return the gifts and exchange them for ones you can wear.
Dear Queenie,
We are worried about our son. He is an adult, but he drinks too much and when he is drinking he gets angry and rough and rude. He has had a lot of girlfriends but they all break up with him because of the way he behaves when he is drinking.
We are afraid he might get into an accident when he drives a car when he has been drinking and we also worry about how the drinking might affect his health.
We have tried to get him to stop drinking but he just won’t do it.
Queenie, how can we make him understand that he is an alcoholic and get him to get some help?—Worried Parents
Dear Parents,
Your son apparently is not willing to admit that he is an alcoholic, but he may have another problem – or more than one – that is/are covered up by his drinking – depression, for instance – and maybe you can persuade him to get help for the other problem(s). A complete physical check-up and his doctor’s advice might help, and/or professional counselling.
Meanwhile, you could get some help from Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org).
Dear Queenie,
I invited my brother and his wife for dinner on Thanksgiving because they didn’t have any other plans. Then I invited my sister and her husband if they didn’t have any other plans, but she told me they had already invited their son and his family and she wanted to bring them along.
I told her “no”, that the invitation was only for her and her husband if they didn’t have any other plans, and we just couldn’t manage so many people in our small apartment, and now she is mad at me and won’t talk to me.
Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
No. An invitation is only for the person(s) specified in the invitation and the invitee has no right to assume it is okay to expand it to additional people if it is not convenient for the would-be host.
Dear Queenie,
I want to be on my high school soccer team, but my uncle says I’m not good enough and they won’t have me.
Queenie, should I keep trying or just give up?—Disappointed
Dear Teenager,
Unless your uncle is the team coach, he has no say in who is chosen for the team, and if he is the coach (and even if he is not) he should be trying to help you improve your soccer skills instead of trying to discourage you. Keep practising and ask the coach for suggestions as to how you can improve your soccer skills. But do not neglect your scholastic work!
