Dear Queenie,
My brothers and sisters and I don’t get along with each other very well. When our parents died, there was more squabbling among us than mourning for the deceased parent, and I don’t want my husband and children to have go through that kind of thing when I die. I’d rather be cremated and not have a funeral.
Queenie, would that be okay?—Unhappy sibling
Dear Sibling,
I see nothing wrong with what you want. However, it would be a good idea to put your wishes in writing, possibly even have the document notarised, and give copies to your husband and children.
If, when the sad event occurs, your siblings want to make any fuss, your survivor(s) can show them the document to prove that this was what you wanted and forestall any possible squabbling about it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s told his best friend from when he was a kid that he and his wife would be welcome to stay with us if they came here to visit. Now they want to stay with us for almost a week.
My husband is retired, but he never gives me any help around the house. I work a full-time job and won’t be able manage to also do all the extra work that you get when you have guests staying with you.
Queenie, how do I explain all this to these people?—Tired wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband should be the one to explain all this to his friend, but if he will not do so, you will have to do it. Give them information about local hotels and/or guest houses and tell them you look forward to seeing them and maybe going out with them while they are visiting.
If your husband does not like all this, tell him his friend and his wife will be welcome to stay with you if he (your husband) does all the extra work that comes with having guests – and spell out for him in detail just what that involves.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter got some tattoos on her arms on her arms and legs. She’s an adult and can do as she likes, but we think she is disrespecting us because we don’t believe in disfiguring the body God gave you and she knows how we feel about such things.
Queenie, what do you think about all this?—Angry parents
Dear Parents,
Apparently your daughter does not share your beliefs, or considers her tattoos more “decorative” than “disfiguring” – like wearing accessories that she cannot ever lose (or take off when she is with you).
If the tattoos disturb you that much, ask your daughter to wear long sleeves and long pants to cover them up when she is with you, but please do not let this have a seriously bad effect on your relationship with her.
Dear Queenie,
When my best friend got married I spent a lot of money and time being one of her bridesmaids. I didn’t like her fiancé/husband very much and I think he noticed it, but I tried to be polite to him for her sake.
Later I found out that he told people a lot of lies about how I (mis)behaved at the wedding and then my friend sent me a long email saying she wanted to end our friendship because I don’t like her husband, although I never told her what I think of him.
Queenie, why would she do that?—Bewildered friend
Dear Friend,
The way you feel about your friend’s husband may be more apparent than you think, even if you never actually said anything about it. And her husband may be trying to control her by cutting her off from her friends and possibly even her family.
Try to arrange to meet with your friend in person to talk things over, but if that does not work out, send her an email telling her how much you will miss her and that you will always be available if she needs you.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have a new baby boy and we are so happy with him, but recently he told me he only married me because he wanted to have children. He says he’s not “in love” with me, but he does care about me, and he does take good care of me and the baby and he’s a good provider and I’m happy with him and I don’t want a divorce.
However, my best friend says my son will never learn how to love a woman if I stay with his father.
Queenie, is my friend right?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
No, your friend is not right. Your son will love you and his father and that is how he will learn about loving people of both genders. If you are truly happy with your husband, your friend should envy you, not make judgements about him and your relationship with him.
