Dear Queenie,
My mother was always there to help anyone in her family when they got sick, but now she has health problems and all the others do is complain that she is not there for them anymore. None of them have offered to help her or even come to visit her while she is sick.
Queenie, is this normal? What do you think?—Angry daughter
Dear Daughter,
I think your relatives do not know what to say or do when the “family caregiver” is the one who needs help and support.
Try to help your mother as best you can, and try to forgive the others for not being there for her when she needs them.
Dear Queenie,
My sister has a good education and a good job, but she eats too much and doesn’t exercise and is getting very fat and all the time talks about how bad she feels. The whole family is worried about her.
Queenie, how can we get her to take better care of herself?—Worried siblings
Dear Siblings,
A family confrontation might just make your sister feel defensive. However, perhaps one or two of you can convince her to visit her doctor, who surely will advise her to lose weight and show her ways to do so. She may also need to be treated for depression.
Dear Queenie,
I like to play games online on my computer, but it is getting old and has a lot of problems. I want to buy a new computer for school as well as playing games and I have been saving up my allowance and money I get as gifts on my birthday and Christmas, etc., but my parents don’t want me to.
Queenie, how can I get them to help me?—Teenager
Dear Teenager,
Your parents may think you will spend too much time playing games on a new computer. However, these days, with the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more schooling is being done at home via computer, so having an up-to-date computer is important for your education. Point this out to your parents, and maybe you can get an adult they trust and respect to back you up on it.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine is getting married on a day when I will be away on business so I RSVPed that I would not attend, and now she is mad at me because she thinks I said “no” because I’m not a member of the wedding party.
Queenie, I explained all this to her, but wasn’t it rude of her to get mad at me for not attending?—Not a wedding guest
Dear Not a guest,
Yes, your friend was rude, but it might have saved both of you all this trouble if you had explained your reason for not attending when you declined the invitation.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is a professional woman and has a good job. She lives with her boyfriend, who hasn’t worked for years and likes to drink, and my daughter drinks with him and as long as she lives with him I think she will keep on drinking with him and things will get worse and worse and she might even lose her job too.
Queenie, what can I do to help her?—Worried Mother
Dear Mother,
There is not much you can do for a grown-up child who becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol, especially if they have a partner who is also addicted. Your daughter may think she is supporting her boyfriend in his drinking (as well as financially) but she is just enabling him, and as long as she has her job she probably will think everything is okay.
You can find support and more information through Al-Anon at al-anon.alateen.org.
