Dear Queenie,
I have six kids under the age of 8 years. A woman I know from church has offered to babysit sometimes so my husband and I can go out on a “date”.
My problem is I don’t think she knows what she would be getting into, looking after a bunch of kids like that.
Also, I like being with my husband, but I would rather just have some time alone by myself.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Stressed-out mother
Dear Mother,
Before you let this woman babysit, have her come to your house for a few hours to see just what she would be getting into. Perhaps she could arrange to have someone else come with her to help.
Then, perhaps you could arrange for her/them to babysit sometime when your husband is otherwise occupied – for instance, while he is at work – and you can simply go out somewhere by yourself. Or, if she/they can babysit somewhere else than your home, you can even just stay at home resting.
Dear Queenie,
My elderly mother-in-law lives with us. She has some health problems and her memory has started to get bad but she can still make normal conversation.
Some friends who visited us recently tried to tell us there is nothing wrong with her, but they don’t know about the kind of things she does, like leaving the water running all the time or almost starting a fire because she left the stove burning.
Queenie, how do I make them understand how things really are?—Caretaker daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Probably they will not understand unless/until they are in a similar position. Meanwhile, just tell them they do not know everything that goes on in your home regarding your mother-in-law. And you could show them this column and tell them you are the letter-writer.
Dear Queenie,
Soon my husband and I will be leaving our teenage son alone overnight for the first time ever. Our neighbors will keep an eye on him but we have been wondering whether we should let his girlfriend’s parents, who we have never met, know that he will be alone in the house.
Queenie, should we give them a call?—Concerned parents
Dear Parents,
Yes, give the girlfriend’s parents a call, introduce yourselves, suggest that you would like to meet them sometime soon, and explain what the situation will be with your son. If you were in their place, wouldn’t you want to know?
Dear Queenie,
Our family is planning a surprise party for our father’s 50th birthday. My brothers and sisters have big fancy plans at an expensive restaurant and the costs are starting to add up to more than I can afford.
Queenie, what should I do?—Not-rich brother
Dear Brother,
Talk to your siblings, find out exactly what they are planning and what it will cost, and let them know what you can afford to contribute. Matters like this should be agreed on in advance.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman in my 50s, no brothers or sisters, and my mother passed away a few years ago. My father is in good health, but he is getting old and his mind is starting to slip and he depends entirely on me. He calls me several times a day, even while I’m at work, and he wants me to come see him every day. He doesn’t have many friends because he is very critical, so he is lonely and depends on me for everything.
Queenie, this is getting to be too much for me and my family to handle. What can we do?—Fed-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
Your father probably realises his mind is starting to slip and is afraid of what will happen to him as it gets worse. Do what you can for him – and go with him to his next appointment with his doctor and ask for advice and information about what resources there are in your community to help deal with your father’s problems as he gets older.
