Dear Queenie,
My husband and I often get together with his brother and his wife and we enjoy their company. They are friends with another couple who we like very much, but when all six (or more) of us get together my brother-in-law’s wife gets very rude to me and spoils any conversation I am having with one of the other couple.
Queenie, I would like to stay friends with all of them, but I don’t like these three-couple get-togethers and I can’t figure out how to avoid them. What do you suggest?—Fed-up with it
Dear Fed-up,
Before you visit your brother-in-law and his wife, have your husband find out whether the other couple will be there too and make some excuse not to go if they will be there. If anyone asks you why you don’t all get together anymore, just tell them you were not comfortable when all six (or more) of you were together.
You can arrange to get together with the other couple separately.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for several years and he always used to talk about getting married some day.
He doesn’t have a car and transportation is complicated and expensive for him, so I go to see him every weekend and things are fine when we’re together but the rest of the week I hardly ever hear from him.
The last time we were together he said he still wants us to be together, but he has decided that he doesn’t want to get married.
Queenie, I want to be with him, but I don’t want to be just his girlfriend forever. Should I make an end of this or do you think he will change his mind again?—Hopeful girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
It seems you are doing all the work of keeping this relationship going and when you are not actually together your boyfriend doesn’t miss you very much, if at all.
There should be commitment in a strong relationship, and if your boyfriend is not willing to make a commitment, you should save yourself all the work you are putting into this relationship with him and find someone else who is willing to make such a commitment.
Dear Queenie,
We have some friends who are not as well-off as we are and when we make plans to do something with them we have to be sure it is something they can afford, but this really limits the things we can do with them.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Feeling restricted
Dear Feeling restricted,
When you want to see them, choose to do something they can afford. When you want to do something they may not be able to afford, let them know you are prepared to help them with the expense and do not be offended if they decline the invitation.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of my wife has a dog, but she doesn’t take good care of it. She feeds it well and plays with it when she is at home, but it is not housebroken and she lives in an apartment so she doesn’t have a yard where she can leave it out all day, so the dog stays cooped up in a crate while she is at work. It barks a lot, so she puts a muzzle on it.
I have suggested that she should spend more time with the dog and try to get it properly trained, but I was just told to mind my own business.
Queenie, is there anything more I can do?—Animal lover
Dear Animal lover,
This could be classified as animal abuse. Make a report to the local humane society.
Dear Queenie,
My grandson is almost 30 but he still lives with his parents. He has lost several jobs because he drinks too much, even during working hours, but his parents don’t say anything to him about his drinking and won’t let me say anything either.
Queenie, I’m worried that his drinking may cause him to have medical problems if we don’t do anything about it. What do you suggest?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Sometimes people drink because of psychological problems they cannot cope with, and you are right, the drinking can lead to physical problems also. But it is difficult to help them if they will not admit they have a problem and are not willing to be helped.
You can contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for information and support, and if you can get your grandson to talk to his doctor about any other problems he has, the doctor may be able to help him too.
