Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is a lot older than me, old enough to be my father. In fact, even his children are older than me and we are uncomfortable with each other when we get together.
Queenie, how can I get them to think of me as part of the family?—Much younger girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
There is not much you can do about your boyfriend’s children’s attitude. It is up to their father to make it clear to his children that he expects them to treat you like part of the family and if they do not, they will be seeing less of him.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter just got engaged but they haven’t decided yet when they will get married. Her father and I have been married for almost 30 years and we want to celebrate that special anniversary but we can’t afford a big anniversary celebration along with a big expensive wedding.
Queenie, can we ask them not to have the wedding until at least a year after our special anniversary or to pay for the wedding themselves?—Parents of the bride-to-be
Dear Parents,
Many couples have looong engagements and many pay for the wedding themselves. Talk this over with the happy couple to find out what they are planning and explain that you will not be able to help pay for their wedding if it is any time soon.
Or, you might want to consider combining the two celebrations. Somehow it seems to me that your daughter’s wedding is an appropriate anniversary gift for her parents.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter quit school to get a job. Now she goes to night school and she’ll get a diploma, but I’ll never see her at a graduation ceremony.
She also has a boyfriend in another country and wants to go there to be with him so I’ll never see my grandchildren if they ever have any kids, because I can’t travel there.
Queenie, how can I accept all this?—Deprived mother
Dear Mother,
Your daughter is completing her high school education and could very well go on to get a university education. And if/when she has children, even if you cannot travel to where they live, she can bring them to visit you. So, try to look on the bright side and count your blessings.
Dear Queenie,
My parents both cheated on each other, but they stayed together until my sister and I were grown up and then they got divorced. My sister only knows about Mom’s affair, so she blames Mom for the divorce and doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, and Mom just bad-talks Dad and won’t tell her the truth.
I would like for my family to get along with each other so we can get together on special occasions and have a good time for a little while, or at least be civil to each other.
Queenie, should I explain to my sister about Mom’s part in their divorce?—Older brother
Dear Older brother,
Your mother probably could benefit from professional counselling, if you can first convince her that she needs it and then persuade her to actually get it.
Your sister deserves to know the whole truth about your parents’ divorce, so by all means tell her and hope she believes you. She also might benefit from counselling, because I think she will need help learning to cope with your mother’s various deceits.
Dear Queenie,
My teenage granddaughter lies a lot about all sorts of things. Her parents punish her for lying and want me to do the same.
I don’t want her to have bad memories of me as being strict with her like they are.
Queenie, should I try to not notice her lies or punish her for them like they do?—Worried grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
Would you rather be remembered as someone who would let her get away with almost anything, or someone who cared enough about her to try to teach her to be someone other people can trust? Ask your granddaughter why she lies to people who love her and tell her there are always consequences for dishonesty even if they are not immediately apparent.
She needs to learn this lesson – it is an important one.
