Dear Queenie,

  My husband’s cousin built a new house and my husband, who is a plumber, agreed to do all the plumbing work for it for free (except for the cost of parts) but in all the time he was working they never even offered him a snack or a meal or anything to compensate for the distance he had to travel to get from his home to the new house and back home (not a short drive). And since they moved into the new house they have never invited us to visit, not even for events where most of the family came.

  Queenie, should we say something or keep quiet for the sake of peace in the family?—Angry cousin’s wife

Dear Wife,

  It is possible that your husband’s cousin assumed that the offer of free work included the cost of transportation and they were not in a position to offer snacks or meals, and that they now assume that you know about the family events and do not need a specific invitation.

  Have you and/or your husband had any contact with the cousin since the work was completed? Try wishing them happy holidays and asking them how the plumbing is working. And if you host any family gatherings, be sure to include them – it might teach them something about family hospitality.

Dear Queenie,

  My friend’s husband texted me once when he was drinking and said some things I didn’t like. I told him not to do it again and he didn’t, but recently when a family member died he did it again to offer his sympathy and I thanked him.

  I don’t know if he was just being sympathetic or if he’s looking for something more from me. I certainly don’t want to cause any trouble between my friend and her husband.

  Queenie, what should I do?—Worried friend

Dear Friend,

  Thank your friend’s husband for his sympathy and do not respond to any further communication. Block his messages if it becomes necessary.

Dear Queenie,

  A dear relative died some time ago and I still remember him with sadness. Sometimes I hear people talking about him and saying not-so-nice things about him.

  Queenie, how can I get them not to talk that way about him?—Still in mourning

Dear Still in mourning,

  Just tell them he was your relative and you still miss him and you wish they would not talk that way about him where you can hear them.

  You can also look for a grief support group. A professional counsellor, or your clergyperson if you are a religious person, can probably help you find one.

Dear Queenie,

  I’m a middle-aged man, happily married and not gay or anything like that, but sometimes I like to dress up in women’s clothes. Recently a neighbour saw me that way and I’m worried about what they may think.

  Queenie, what should I do?—Scared cross-dresser

Dear Cross-dresser,

  You could tell them the women’s clothing was a costume you were wearing for a Halloween party. And try not to let it happen again.

  There is an organisation called Tri-Ess (Society for the Second Self) that is an international educational, social, and support group for heterosexual cross-dressers, their partners, and their families. You can contact it at www.tri-ess.org if you want to learn more about what it could offer you.