Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a gambling problem and his marriage is in trouble, so he is trying to get help for it with Gamblers Anonymous.
I’ve known about it for a long time because I was with him a couple of times at a casino and saw him losing a lot more than he could afford and now I feel guilty that I never said anything.
Queenie, should I have said something? And if I did, would it have made any difference?—Silent friend
Dear Friend,
You could have talked to your friend about this, but the question is: would he have paid any attention to what you said? People with that kind of problem often do not even admit to it, let alone try to do anything about it, until circumstances force them to do so.
Feeling guilty about your silence will not help him; neither would any apologies you could give him. The best thing you can do now is try to support his efforts to overcome this addiction and when you are with him make sure he is not betting on anything; for example, at sporting events or buying Lotto tickets. But mostly it is up to him.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter got married a couple of years ago. I met her husband’s family at the wedding and the families got along just fine.
Her husband’s mother had died some years ago and his father came alone. I also was alone, as my husband (my daughter’s father) also had died some years ago. We really like each other, but my son-in-law says we can’t get involved with each other as more than in-laws.
Queenie, is he right? Would it be wrong for us get together romantically?—In-law Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is nothing illegal or immoral about such a romance. However, be very careful. Think how complicated it would be, not only for you but for both of your children, if such a relationship were to not work out.
If you would be able to handle such an outcome without disruption for your children’s lives, I see no objection.
Dear Queenie,
I was dating a man for a while that I thought I was in love with, but he had to go to another island for his job and I wouldn’t take my children away from all our family, so the relationship ended. Later I found out that this man had a criminal record for molesting little children, so I guess I got lucky.
But now I’m afraid to date anyone else in case I get involved with another bad guy.
Queenie, how can you tell about someone before you get involved with them?—Scared to try
Dear Scared,
You can learn a lot about someone these days by going online and checking them out, but that does not guarantee you will know everything you need to know about them.
It is better to meet men (and women) through personal introductions from people you know well and can trust, but it is still a good idea to take your time getting to know them well.
Dear Queenie,
My little brother tags along wherever I go and copies everything I do. If I play a game so does he, if I watch a certain TV show he does too.
Queenie, my mother says I should take it as a compliment, but I just get tired of it all. What can I do about it?—Fed-up big brother
Dear Big Brother,
Talk to your parents about this. Your mother is right that you should take it as a compliment, but your parents can – and should – encourage your little brother to develop his own interests and skills. They can also help you find and become involved in activities that would not include him, such as sports or scouting or a volunteer group.
Dear Queenie,
My kid brother is a teenager. He lives with me because our dad beats up our mother when he gets drunk and I wanted to get him away from all that. Now I found out that he (my brother) drinks liquor and smokes marijuana and takes painkiller medicine he doesn’t need just because he likes the way it makes him feel.
When I try to tell him these things are bad for him he says I’m a hypocrite because I used to do them myself.
Queenie, how can I make him understand what I’m trying to tell him?—Worried big brother
Dear Brother,
Try to explain to your brother the problems these things caused for you and why you stopped using/doing them.
Also, try to get professional counselling for your brother. Your family doctor and/or your brother’s school counsellor should be able to help you with that.
