Dear Queenie,
I’m planning my wedding and I have a problem because my fiancé and I don’t have the same number of people we want to include as bridesmaids and groomsmen. We both don’t want to leave anyone out, or to have anyone upset because they don’t have anyone to match up with.
Queenie, what do we do?—Worried bride-to-be
Dear Bride-to-be,
It is not a requirement of etiquette that there be the same exact number of groomsmen and bridesmaids and that they be “paired off”. Your attendants can walk separately, or two of the same gender can walk together, and later on any of them can dance with more than one person.
You also can include someone by giving them another honour, such as being an usher or giving a congratulatory speech.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend always forgets my birthday. Then she remembers a few days after and apologizes.
Queenie, she manages to remember other people’s birthdays that she hasn’t known as long or as well as she knows me. Why can’t she remember mine?—Forgotten friend
Dear Friend,
Probably she keeps a reminder of the birthdays of people she does not know as well as she knows you, but assumes she will not need to be reminded about yours. Try dropping a slight hint when your birthday is approaching. And for her birthday, you could give her a set of “belated birthday” cards to use “as needed”.
Dear Queenie,
I let my boyfriend move into an apartment I own when he was getting his divorce and got kicked out of his (almost-ex-) wife’s house. He agreed to pay rent, but then he quit his job and he hasn’t found another one since then and doesn’t pay any rent – in fact, I pay all his bills and he gets mad if I even try to talk to him about it.
Queenie, I can afford it, but I get the idea that that’s the only reason he stays with me. What do you think?—Sugar Mommy
Dear Sugar Mommy,
Of course he gets mad when you try to talk to him about money. They do say, “The best defence is a good offence (and be as offensive as possible!).”
Talk to a lawyer to learn how you can handle this legally, and a counsellor if you need help coping with your relationship with this man.
Dear Queenie,
My mother died years ago and recently my father became ill and needs constant care. I moved in with him and have been taking care of him and my brothers and sisters don’t give me any help.
They are all convinced that I am doing it to control his finances, which isn’t true. He is in charge of the money and I just do what he tells me to do with it. He has told them that but they just don’t believe him.
Queenie, I want to stay on good terms with them. What can I do?—Caretaker daughter
Dear Daughter,
Keep your siblings up to date on your father’s finances. And make sure he has made a formal will so that when the time comes they will know that you have only obeyed your father’s wishes. If he is willing, you can show them a copy of the will.
Meanwhile, try to have them visit your father and spend as much time with him as possible, so they can see for themselves how he is doing.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever my neighbors would go on vacation I would take in their mail and water their plants for them and they always thanked me for doing it. However, when I was sick recently I asked them to take in my mail and feed my dog and they refused, so I had to arrange for him to go to a boarding kennel.
Now they are going to go away again and they expect me to take in their mail and water their plants as always but I don’t feel like doing it because they weren’t willing to help me out when I needed it.
Queenie, am I being vindictive?—Angry neighbour
Dear Neighbour,
No, you are just feeling used, and rightly so. You were doing them a favour, which they refused to reciprocate, and you have no further obligation to them.
