Dear Queenie,
When I was a kid my parents wouldn’t let me have any dessert until I had finished the rest of my meal. Now I like to eat my dessert first and then the rest of the food.
I never do this when I am a guest in someone else’s home, but I do it when I go out to eat with friends if it is at a restaurant that will let you order dessert along with all the other food. However, some of my friends think I am being rude.
Queenie, are they right?—Picky eater
Dear Picky eater,
If you know that your friends are being bothered by your eating habit, yes, you are being rude. But if it does not bother them, you have no problem.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I are well-off financially and we each have a nice car. When our children come to visit us they expect us to let them use one of our cars. They are good drivers, but they are not on our insurance, and they are also well-off financially so they can well afford to rent a car.
Queenie, are we being unreasonable?—Reluctant parents
Dear Parents,
No, you are not being unreasonable. It would be illegal for them to be driving your car if your insurance would not cover an accident that occurred while one of them was driving it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I often get together with his brother and his wife and we enjoy their company. They are friends with another couple who we like very much, but when all six (or more) of us get together my brother-in-law’s wife gets very rude to me and spoils any conversation I am having with one of the other couple.
Queenie, I would like to stay friends with all of them, but I don’t like these three-couple get-togethers and I can’t figure out how to avoid them. What do you suggest?—Fed-up with it
Dear Fed-up,
Before you visit your brother-in-law and his wife, have your husband find out whether the other couple will be there too and make some excuse not to go if they will be there. If anyone asks you why you don’t all get together anymore, just tell them you were not comfortable when all six (or more) of you were together.
You can arrange to get together with the other couple separately.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law lives near us and has a car, so she drives our children to and from school every day while I stay home and take care of the house.
However, every day when she brings them home she comes in and stays to visit. I have a lot to do and I don’t feel like sitting and chatting with her about the same old stuff for a couple of hours every day.
Queenie, I am pleased to be on such good terms with her, but how do I politely ask her not to come inside every day?—Busy mother
Dear Mother,
Perhaps you could arrange to go out and run errands while your mother-in-law is there to “babysit” for you, or to help your children with their homework while she is there. You could also ask her to help you with some of your housework.
Then, to make her feel welcome, try to arrange for her to come to visit at a time when her son/your husband is there also.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for several years and he always used to talk about getting married some day.
He doesn’t have a car and transportation is complicated and expensive for him, so I go to see him every weekend and things are fine when we’re together but the rest of the week I hardly ever hear from him.
The last time we were together he said he still wants us to be together, but he has decided that he doesn’t want to get married.
Queenie, I want to be with him, but I don’t want to be just his girlfriend forever. Should I make an end of this or do you think he will change his mind again?—Hopeful girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
It seems you are doing all the work of keeping this relationship going and when you are not actually together your boyfriend doesn’t miss you very much, if at all.
There should be commitment in a strong relationship, and if your boyfriend is not willing to make a commitment, you should save yourself all the work you are putting into this relationship with him and find someone else who is willing to make such a commitment.
