Dear Queenie,
My daughter never calls me, not even when she decided to get married. She posted it on Facebook but I only found out when my brother called and asked me what I thought about it.
Queenie, what do you think of this?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
I think you need to explain to your daughter that this kind of news should be told to her immediate family personally, at least by a phone call if not in person. She should apologise to you and try to do better in the future.
Dear Queenie,
I have been divorced for several years, but my mother still includes my ex-husband in family gatherings even though I have asked her not to.
Queenie, what do you think about this?—Divorcee
Dear Divorcee,
If you were married for a long time, and especially if you and your ex have children together, I can understand why your mother still considers him part of the family and I can understand why she includes him in events where the children will be present. However, you can ask her not to do so every time, and I see no reason for his presence if his children are not there.
And if your mother is still fond of him, I see no reason to object to her socialising with him when you are not present.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I are very much in love. We have a lot of the same interests and values except for one thing – I want children and he does not.
If we stay together I will never have children, but if I break up with him I might never find anyone as perfect for me as he is who does want children.
Queenie, please help me decide what to do.—Can’t make a decision
Dear Can’t decide,
I cannot tell you what you should do, but I must point out that there are a lot of things you have to consider here. If you had married this man and only then found out he did not want children, would you have divorced him?
And, the older you get the harder it is to conceive a child. If you break up with him it may take you quite a while to find someone you think is as perfect as your present boyfriend – if you ever do – and who wants children. And even if that comes to pass, there is no guarantee that you will be able to conceive.
But beyond pointing out these factors, I cannot tell you what to do. You will have to make that decision yourself.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 7 years and we have 2 children together, but he has cheated on me, does drugs, can’t keep a job and sometimes he gets abusive and he even got arrested for it one time.
I only stay with him for the kids’ sake, but I’m not sure that is the best thing to do.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Unhappy mother
Dear Unhappy mother,
Staying in a relationship like this “for the kids’ sake” is not the best thing for you to do, for the children or for yourself. I advise you to break up with this man as soon as you can find a way to do so safely.
Dear Queenie,
My ex-spouse and I are still on good terms. We just sort of grew apart after our children were grown up and moved out on their own. We all still get together on birthdays and holidays.
Queenie, what is a good kind of gift to give an ex on a special occasion like a birthday or Christmas?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
A gift card from their favourite store would be good, or a donation in their name to their favourite charity or other non-profit organisation.
