Dear Queenie,
I’m a computer expert and I have my own business, working from my home. My regular clients all deal with me professionally, but there are a lot of friends and relatives and even just neighbors who keep asking me for answers to what they say are “quick questions”, but their problems usually take a lot of time to fix, and they never offer to pay me for the time that I could have spent working for a paying client.
Queenie, what is a pleasant way to deal with these people professionally?—Computer expert
Dear Computer expert,
When they call you, tell them up-front how much you charge per hour for your services and ask them where to send the bill. Then, if they are family or friends you can give them a discount, stating clearly on their bill exactly how much the discount is or telling them up-front that you will do so.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend lives with her elderly mother who is healthy and can walk without help but doesn’t like to be left alone. We can leave Mom and go out on short dates, but we’d like to take a weekend trip together and Mom won’t even let us talk to her about it without making a stink. When we suggested getting a friend to come and stay with her while we were away she wouldn’t even consider it. The only person she wants taking care of her is her daughter.
Queenie, is there anything more we can do?—Disgusted Boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
Are there any assisted-living facilities or senior citizens homes in your community? If so, find out whether any of them will take in a “guest” for a brief stay. If so, give Mom a choice: Either she stays there while you are away or you will arrange for someone to come in and stay with her.
Dear Queenie,
I am a successful professional woman. I have been told that I am physically very attractive to men, but they find me intimidating because I am so successful and don’t need anyone to take care of me – that is, to support me financially.
I would like to find a man to share things with and live with and have children with, but I cannot imagine being a submissive “clinging vine” just to support a man’s ego.
Queenie, what chance do I have?—Independent woman
Dear Independent woman,
There are many men who find a successful independent woman intimidating, but there also are others who will consider you an amazing life partner. You just have to keep on looking for them. Surely you have friends who can help by introducing you to such men whom they know. You might also meet such men by volunteering with organisations that offer assistance to people in need.
Dear Queenie,
Someone I know gave me a gift that they now expect me to put on display in the front part of my home. It is not the kind of thing I would choose for myself and it’s not something I can easily just put out for them to see when they come to visit me.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Don’t really want it
Dear Don’t want it,
Except for things like family heirlooms, the recipient of a gift has no obligation beyond thanking the donor. If you can exchange the gift for something you like better, do so and be sure to thank the person who gave you the original gift. Or you can donate the unwanted item to a charitable organisation (in their name if you so choose), again being sure to thank the person who gave it to you.
Dear Queenie,
A member of my family molested me when I was a teenager, but our family had a good life and other than that he treated me very well. He is long gone now, but I still remember him with some affection.
Queenie, is that a normal way to feel?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Yes, it is normal to care for someone in spite of their deficiencies. I congratulate you for being able to remember the good things in your life as well as the bad ones.
