Dear Queenie,
My husband’s daughter (my stepdaughter) never finished her education, had several children with various boyfriends but never got married and has always depended on her father to help her out when she has financial problems.
He always tried to give her good advice about her problems, but she never listened, she just counted on him to help her when she needed it until he died a few years ago, and now she depends on me.
Queenie, now I am getting old, I have retired and am living on my pension. How long am I obliged to keep helping her out?—Ageing stepmother
Dear Stepmother,
You apparently have been fairly close to your stepdaughter over the years and now you are the only parent she has left. As you are getting older it would be good if you could rely on her to help you out when you need it, but obviously that is not how things are between you.
There must be some organisations in your area that could give her (some of) the kind of help you have been providing, and her children must be adults by now. So it is time for them to start taking on responsibility for their mother. And those same organisations should be there for you if/when you need their help.
Dear Queenie,
I got married in my late teens, but it only lasted a couple of years. Now, 10 years later, I am engaged to be married again. My fiancee knows about my previous marriage.
Queenie, her parents are coming to visit soon. Do I have to tell them about it?—Disclosure Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Sooner or later – before the wedding! – you should tell your fiancee’s parents that this is not your first marriage. This visit would be a good time to do so. If they start asking you a lot of questions about it, just tell them it was over and done with a long time ago and you do not like to talk about it, but you did not want them to think you were keeping it a secret from them.
Dear Queenie,
My mother just told me that she and my father are thinking about getting divorced.
Queenie, how will I choose who I’m going to live with? And whichever one I choose, how will I get to see the other one and the other grandparents?—Confused child
Dear Child,
Your mother should not have talked to you about all this until she and your father had settled matters between them, which would include who would have custody and visitation rights for the non-custodial parent.
Talk to your parents about all this, and remember that, from what you say, none of this is definite yet and your parents may still work things out between them.
Dear Queenie,
Please settle an argument I have with my parents:
Is it rude to use your cell phone when you are together with someone?—Cell phone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
When you are together with someone it is rude to make or accept calls to or from someone else.
However, using your cell phone as part of the conversation with the person(s) you are with is okay, like showing them pictures or checking on something that is part of your conversation with them.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have lived in the same neighborhood for a long time and recently some new people moved in, the first time this has happened since we lived here. They seem to be nice people, but I haven’t met them yet and things have been very busy at their house with all the moving in.
Queenie, what’s a good way to meet them? Should I go over there and welcome them to the neighborhood? Should I bring them some kind of treat?—New neighbor Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Yes, by all means, go over there and introduce yourself. You could bring them some kind of small treat and offer to recommend the best places to shop and the best servicepeople in your area.
