Dear Queenie,

  When my grandmother died one of my cousins expected all of us cousins to get together and buy an expensive bunch of flowers for the funeral. I went along with it because I didn’t want to cause any hard feelings, but I thought it was a strange request because I thought it was other people who sent flowers to the bereaved family in condolence.

  Queenie, was this correct?—Grandchild in mourning

Dear Grandchild,

  You were both correct. People often send flowers to someone in mourning as condolence, in remembrance of the lost loved one, as you said. However, is it also common for bereaved relatives to arrange for flowers at the funeral.

  And please accept my sympathy for your loss.

Dear Queenie,

  My boyfriend smokes pot. After we had been dating for a while and started getting serious I asked him to stop and he said he would, but it’s been a couple of years and he is still doing it. I keep asking him to stop and he keeps saying he will, but he doesn’t and it looks like he never will.

  Queenie, should I keep waiting and hoping or give up on him and find someone else?—Fed-up girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend,

  If your boyfriend really intended to stop smoking pot he would have done so, or at least tried, by now. It is time to stop waiting and hoping for him to change, and to start thinking about what you want to do next.

  It is possible that if you break up with him he will be shocked into trying to break this addictive habit, but do not even think about getting back together with him unless/until you are convinced that he has succeeded, and maybe not even then unless you are absolutely certain that he will not start it up again.

Dear Queenie,

  My sister keeps suggesting that she will share the cost of buying someone a gift. I think it’s just because she doesn’t want all the bother of shopping for a gift, wrapping it, getting a card and then sending or delivering it.

  Queenie, what’s a polite way to refuse to go in together on a gift?—Annoyed brother

Dear Brother,

  Try to shop for the gift before your sister approaches you about it, and then tell her you have already purchased the gift. You can also give her a suggestion as to what gift she might want to give the person.

Dear Queenie,

  I’ve been divorced for a long time and the children’s father moved away a long time ago. When I was having some problems with my teenage son “Joe” his godfather “Ben” helped out and we ended up getting into a committed relationship.

  My other children are okay with this, but Joe is mad at me because he thinks I stole his godfather. I have tried to explain that Ben is still there for him as a stepfather as well as a godfather, but Joe just won’t listen to me.

  Queenie, Ben wants what’s best for me and the kids. What should we do?— Ben’s mother

Dear Mother,

  Your teenage son is acting more like he is still a small child. He needs to learn how to deal with a slightly changed relationship with Ben and a greatly changed relationship between you and Ben.

  As usual, I suggest that professional counselling might help all of you deal with the changes in your lives.