Dear Queenie,
A girl I know and her boyfriend just can’t keep their hands off each other. Even in church they hold hands and hug and kiss each other. Everyone laughs at them behind their backs, but no one ever says anything to them about the way they behave.
Queenie, shouldn’t someone tell them how (not) to behave in public?—Distracted parishioner
Dear Distracted,
If this couple’s behaviour is as disruptive as you say, surely the clergyman or -woman conducting the service has noticed and that is the one who should have a word with this couple and counsel them about proper behaviour in public in general and particularly in church.
Dear Queenie,
A man I’ve been dating is very smart, has a good job and plenty of money and mostly he is very kind, but he won’t spend a penny on anyone else. He won’t even give his own mother a gift or take her out for dinner on Mothers’ Day or her birthday, never mind spending money on anyone else.
Queenie, should I remember the good things about him and stick with him or should I look for someone else?—Dating a tightwad
Dear Dating,
Being thoughtful is a good thing, but being stingy, even miserly, is another thing entirely. You can remain friends with this man as long as you do not expect too much from him, but romantically speaking, you should look elsewhere.
Dear Queenie,
My mother is on pension and buys all her food when it is on sale and sometimes she keeps it in her fridge so long it actually gets moldy but she still eats it.
I have tried to get her to throw things out when they start to spoil, but she won’t listen.
Queenie, it’s not as if she can’t afford to do better. How can I make her understand that this isn’t healthy?—Worried son
Dear Son,
Your mother probably grew up in a family with very limited income and learned this habit when she was growing up. Perhaps her doctor can explain to her how unhealthy this habit is, and perhaps you can help her change by going food-shopping with her or by doing it for her. And if you do that, do not buy so much at one time that she will have it left over long enough to start spoiling.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine at college has had several relationships that all turned out badly. She also has some problems with her family.
You are always recommending that someone get professional counselling and I think it would be a good idea for this friend, but I don’t know if I should be the one to tell her that, and if I should, how do I tell her?
Queenie, should I tell her? If so, what should I say?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
If your friend ever seems to be unhappy with the way her life is going, especially if she actually says so, you will have an opening to make the suggestion. You could even use my column as your source – tell her, “I bet Queenie would tell you to get professional counselling.”
Dear Queenie,
I was married for more than 20 years to a man who was emotionally abusive. After going into therapy I came to understand what he was doing to me and I got a divorce.
Now someone I have known as a friend for many years has asked me out, but I’m not sure if it would be okay to start dating him.
Queenie, what do you say?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
I say take things slowly. If you have been unhappy for so long, feeling happy again can be a real “upper”. Talk it over with your therapist and see what he (or she) thinks, and how he/she suggests you handle such a situation.
