Dear Queenie,

  My wife used to drink a lot, but she started going to Alcoholics Anonymous and now she has stopped drinking entirely. I never drank very much but I do like to have a beer now and then. She says it’s okay, but now I feel guilty when I do because she can’t join me.

  Queenie, should I expect to never drink again because she can’t?—Husband who wants a drink

Dear Husband,

  Try to be considerate and make a sacrifice for your wife’s sake. Stick to non-alcoholic beverages when you are with her and only drink anything alcoholic when she is not around.

Dear Queenie,

  I am my parents’ youngest child of six. Our oldest brother is 20. He graduated high school but didn’t go on to college and refused to even look for a job. He just sits around all day doing nothing and won’t even help around the house.

  My parents both work and my next oldest brother got a job after he graduated from high school and I have a part-time job after school.

  Queenie, what can we do to help our oldest brother?—Fed-up sibling

Dear Sibling,

  Your brother may just be depressed, but he should be screened for mental and physical problems and possible drug and/or alcohol abuse. He may just need to be forced to support himself and take responsibility for finding his own place to live.

  A professional counsellor can help him and all of you learn how to deal with whatever problem(s) he may have and how to motivate him to try to help himself do better.

Dear Queenie,

  My children often do not include me when they have a family get-together with their children (my grandchildren) because they say they don’t know if I am available. All they would have to do would be to call me to find out. They expect me to call them when I want to see them, but they never call me just to chat. And when I call them and invite them to my house, all they talk about is what they have been doing together without me.

  I stopped calling them for a while and didn’t hear from them at all until I started calling again.

  Queenie, what can I do to make things better?—Lonely grandmother

Dear Grandmother,

  Families, especially teenagers, tend to get busy with outside interests and often lose touch with their older relatives. Go on calling them and inviting them to your home and/or taking them out for a meal or some special event if you can afford it, and try not to fret about the fact that they do not keep in closer touch with you.

Dear Queenie,

  My father has always been a very religious man, obeying all the rules of our religion, but recently he has been doing some very strange things, very different from the way he has always behaved.

  For example, he listens to music he always thought was “bad”, goes out at all hours for things he never used to do, says rude things to family and then says he was just joking, and getting into a relationship with a girl at church who used to be my cousin’s girlfriend.

  She had some problems and went to him for counseling, but now they are a lot closer than counselor and counselee. He calls her his best friend and would rather be with her than with our family. My mother doesn’t like all this and has told him so, but he ignores all that and he gets mad if anyone tells him maybe he has some health or other problems.

  Queenie, is there anything our family can do?—Worried son

Dear Son,

  Your father may be going through a mid-life crisis or there may be some physical problem behind his behaviour. Try to get him to see your family doctor for a complete physical, and try to let the doctor know why you are so upset about your father’s behaviour. If you have a problem getting him to go for a check-up, maybe his religious leader can help persuade him to do it.