Dear Queenie,

  I invited my brother and his wife for dinner on Thanksgiving because they didn’t have any other plans. Then I invited my sister and her husband if they didn’t have any other  plans, but she told me they had already invited their son and his family and she wanted to bring them along.

  I told her “no”, that the invitation was only for her and her husband if they didn’t have any other plans, and we just couldn’t manage so many people in our small apartment, and now she is mad at me and won’t talk to me.

  Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Invitation Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  No. An invitation is only for the person(s) specified in the invitation and the invitee has no right to assume it is okay to expand it to additional people if it is not convenient for the would-be host.

Dear Queenie,

  I want to be on my high school soccer team, but my uncle says I’m not good enough and they won’t have me.

  Queenie, should I keep trying or just give up?—Disappointed                               

Dear Teenager,

  Unless your uncle is the team coach, he has no say in who is chosen for the team, and if he is the coach (and even if he is not) he should be trying to help you improve your soccer skills instead of trying to discourage you. Keep practising and ask the coach for suggestions as to how you can improve your soccer skills. But do not neglect your scholastic work!

Dear Queenie,

   We are worried about our son. He is an adult, but he drinks too much and when he is drinking he gets angry and rough and rude. He has had a lot of girlfriends but they all break up with him because of the way he behaves when he is drinking.

  We are afraid he might get into an accident when he drives a car when he has been drinking and we also worry about how the drinking might affect his health.

  We have tried to get him to stop drinking but he just won’t do it.

  Queenie, how can we make him understand that he is an alcoholic and get him to get some help?—Worried Parents

Dear Parents,

  Your son apparently is not willing to admit that he is an alcoholic, but he may have another problem – or more than one – that is/are covered up by his drinking – depression, for instance – and maybe you can persuade him to get help for the other problem(s). A complete physical check-up and his doctor’s advice might help, and/or professional counselling.

  Meanwhile, you could get some help from Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org).

Dear Queenie,

  My husband cheated on me with my own sister. When I found out, he promised to end things with her and never do anything like that again and I think he has kept that promise, but now my mother, who is almost 90, is very sick and probably won’t live much longer.

  I can’t stand to be anywhere around my sister and she wants to come see our mother before she dies and after she dies my sister will probably be at her funeral.

  Queenie, how can I take care of my mother and pay respects after she is gone and deal with my sister at the same time?—Already grieving for Mom

Dear Already grieving,

  I am glad you have managed to work things out with your husband.

  As for your sister, I hope you can manage to just totally ignore her whenever you are in the same room with her – not look at her or speak to her, just pretend she is not there – while you are polite or even friendly with everyone else.