Dear Queenie,
I got married right after I graduated from college many years ago, but the marriage only lasted about a year because I cheated on him, and we got divorced and after that I lost track of him.
Now, all these years later, I am married again, but I can’t stop thinking about my first husband, not romantically, but maybe I ought to apologize for what I did to him.
My present husband knows how I feel about all this and he will go along with whatever I decide to do.
Queenie, what do you think?—Can’t decide whether to do it
Dear Can’t decide,
Your ex-husband from long ago has probably gotten over what you did to him and your apologies now would certainly bring up unhappy memories for him. Be glad you have learned to do better, and do not trouble your ex.
Dear Queenie,
What are you supposed to do when you send a sympathy card to someone who is in mourning? Are you supposed to also send money or make a donation to some charity?—Death notice Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
The purpose of a sympathy card is to express your condolences. Anything more than that is up to you. If the bereaved is/are in need, it would be kind to send money, but is not a requirement. A charitable donation in the name of the deceased would also be kindness, but again is not a requirement.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I recently moved into a new home and we are busy with fixing things up and getting everything arranged, but everyone keeps asking us to let them see our new place. We keep telling them we will have a housewarming party as soon as we get settled in and get things fixed up, but even so, some of them just drop by and then make remarks about how messy and cluttered the place is.
Queenie, how do we say “no” to people who are being rude to us without being just as rude to them?—New home Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is not rude to stand up to someone who is being rude to you. Just (try to) smile, and tell them you are too busy to entertain them at the moment, but you will invite them to the housewarming when the time comes.
Dear Queenie,
My parents got divorced a long time ago and my mother still talks bad about my father and gets vexed if I say anything about him or have anything to do with him. If he is present at any family occasion she is so unpleasant that it gets difficult for everyone.
I have been together with my boyfriend for years, but she doesn’t like him either and she acts the same way about him. She wouldn’t even spend Easter with us because he would be there.
Queenie, is there any way I can get her to stop behaving this way?—Fed-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
Whenever there is a family occasion, tell your mother it is her choice whether or not to be there, but if she does attend you expect her to be civil to (and about) everyone else. And if she attends and then starts behaving unpleasantly, feel free to ask her (politely!) to tone it down or leave.
Dear Queenie,
My sister faked being pregnant to keep her boyfriend from splitting up with her. She even gave this fake baby a name, which her boyfriend has in a tattoo on his arm. He moved in with her because of the (fake) baby and after a couple months my sister pretended to have a miscarriage and now she talks all the time about how much she misses the baby she never had.
Queenie, I know the truth, that she was never pregnant. Should I tell her boyfriend?—Liar’s sister
Dear Sister,
Your sister may have acted out this lie so much and for so long that she has started to believe it herself, or she may be keeping it up in order to hold onto her boyfriend. The man has a right to know the truth, but prepare yourself for the effect this may (probably will) have on your relationship with your sister.
And try to persuade your sister to get professional counselling for the way she is behaving, which is not, by far, what I would consider normal.
