Dear Queenie,
I have tried to get along with my daughter-in-law but nothing I have tried to do works. She won’t let me have her children, my grandchildren, come to visit me or take them places or even take them to school and pick them up there to bring them home.
I get along alright with the rest of her family but not with her. They have tried to talk to her about this, and so has my son, her husband, but she won’t listen to them.
My son manages to include me when there is an occasion for the whole family or both families to get together, maybe once every few weeks, and I am grateful even though she acts rude and does her best to spoil the visit.
Queenie, I have tried everything I can think of, I have even prayed about this, but nothing works. Do you have any suggestions?—Unhappy grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Your daughter-in-law probably has heard stories about unpleasant mothers-in-law and assumes that all mothers-in-law are that way. So sad!
Can your son bring the children to visit you now and then, without their mother? And can you hold family get-togethers, including your daughter-in-law’s family, at your home once in a while? Hopefully, your relationship with her will improve as time goes by and as the children get old enough to come to visit you on their own.
Dear Queenie,
I got divorced a few months ago after we were married for many years.
Queenie, how long am I supposed to wait before I start dating again?—Divorce Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is no reason for you to wait any longer than you feel like it. The “rules of etiquette” about such waiting apply to bereavement by death rather than by legal proceedings.
Dear Queenie,
I got married recently but most of my family lives somewhere else and did not attend because of the expense. Over the years I have gone to a lot of such family events and I always gave a nice gift, but none of them even sent us a card, let alone a gift.
Queenie, what do you have to say about all this?—Offended bride
Dear Bride,
It is always good manners to send a card in response to an invitation to such an event, even if it is only an RSVP, but a gift is not mandatory if one does not attend. And there may still be some gifts on the way. But whatever happens or does not happen, please do not let this become a reason for a rift in your family.
Dear Queenie,
Since I got divorced I believe my ex is not part of my family any more and now I am remarried it makes me and my new spouse uncomfortable when my family invites my ex to family events, but my family keeps doing it.
Queenie, can I ask them not to include my ex?—Divorced and remarried
Dear Divorced and remarried,
You can ask them, but you cannot force them to do as you ask. Part of the problem may be that their young children may still be fond of your ex as their aunt (or uncle as the case may be).
You and your present spouse should concentrate on trying not to let your ex’s presence bother you.
Dear Queenie,
When I’m with other people I talk too much. I don’t give them a chance to say anything, or if I do I interrupt them all the time.
Queenie, how do I learn to keep my mouth shut?—Chatterbox
Dear Chatterbox,
The fact that you recognise this bad habit is a good start.
When someone else is talking concentrate on listening to them, insist to yourself that it is interesting, and count to ten (at least!) before you say anything. If you must say something, make it a question or a comment on what they were saying and then listen to their reply.
