Dear Queenie,
A dear relative died some time ago and I still remember him with sadness. Sometimes I hear people talking about him and saying not-so-nice things about him.
Queenie, how can I get them not to talk that way about him?—Still in mourning
Dear Still in mourning,
Just tell them he was your relative and you still miss him and you wish they would not talk that way about him where you can hear them.
You can also look for a grief support group. A professional counsellor, or your clergyperson if you are a religious person, can probably help you find one.
Dear Queenie,
My friend’s husband texted me once when he was drinking and said some things I didn’t like. I told him not to do it again and he didn’t, but recently when a family member died he did it again to offer his sympathy and I thanked him.
I don’t know if he was just being sympathetic or if he’s looking for something more from me. I certainly don’t want to cause any trouble between my friend and her husband.
Queenie, what should I do?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
Thank your friend’s husband for his sympathy and do not respond to any further communication. Block his messages if it becomes necessary.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 20s and my husband is twice as old as I am. We are both in good health and have our affairs in order, but sometimes I get thinking about the fact that I will probably be a fairly young widow and have to live a long time without him.
Queenie, is this a normal thing? Should I talk to my husband about it or do I need professional counselling?—Happy young wife
Dear Wife,
Yes, this is normal for anyone who has a strong bond with their partner. Yes, you can talk to your husband about it, and you may be surprised to find he feels the same way about you.
And if your concern about the possibility of losing him is causing you too much anxiety, yes, professional counselling would probably help.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a middle-aged man, happily married and not gay or anything like that, but sometimes I like to dress up in women’s clothes. Recently a neighbour saw me that way and I’m worried about what they may think.
Queenie, what should I do?—Scared cross-dresser
Dear Cross-dresser,
You could tell them the women’s clothing was a costume you were wearing for a Halloween party. And try not to let it happen again.
There is an organisation called Tri-Ess (Society for the Second Self) that is an international educational, social, and support group for heterosexual cross-dressers, their partners, and their families. You can contact it at www.tri-ess.org if you want to learn more about what it could offer you.
Dear Queenie,
My wife was formerly married to a man who abused her and now if I move suddenly or reach out to touch her she ducks as if she thinks I am going to hit her.
Queenie, I would never do anything like that and she knows it but she still seems to have this reflex. Is there anything we can do to get her over it?—Worried husband
Dear Husband,
As you said, this is a reflex born from your wife’s previous abusive relationship. It is a form of PTSD and she may need professional counselling to get over it. Talk it over with her – gently, quietly – and see if you can persuade her to try to get such counselling. Your family doctor may be able to recommend someone who can help her.
