Dear Queenie,
My fiancé and I had a quarrel over the wedding plans and broke up our engagement a few months ago and after that I met a man I really liked and we were together for a while, but that didn’t last very long.
Now my ex-fiancé and I have worked out our differences and we are getting back together.
Queenie, do I have to tell him about that other man?—Confused fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
That depends on how far your relationship with that other man went.
If you just went out with him and your “togetherness” was mostly in public, there is a good chance your no-longer-ex fiancé has already heard about him from other sources, but it would not hurt to mention him briefly just so your fiancé knows you are not hiding anything from him.
However, if you and that other man were closely intimate or even lived together for a while, yes, you have to tell your fiancé about it so he knows you are not hiding anything from him. Tell him how sorry you are that it happened and assure him that nothing like that will happened now that the two of you are back together – and hope he believes you.
Dear Queenie,
My husband takes good care of me and our children, but our love life is just boring. He enjoys having sex with me, but he doesn’t know how to make me enjoy it too.
I have fallen in love with a man who is just wonderful in bed. He knows just how to make me enjoy having sex with him as much as he is enjoying it too.
Queenie, I know this can’t go on forever but I don’t know what to do about it. Please give me some advice.—Undecided wife
Dear Wife,
If you have young children, you should work on making your marriage better – more exciting. Professional counselling would help, especially if you can persuade your husband to go with you (and to take the counsellor’s advice).
The alternative is to divorce your husband so you can be with Mr. Wonderful in Bed. You have a serious decision to make.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for almost 10 years, but he won’t marry me because of my bad credit rating, and I found out he tells people about that, and other things that should be private between us, when they ask why we don’t get married.
Queenie, after so many years I would really feel bad to end our relationship, but do you think I would be better off without him?—Exasperated girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
No doubt it would help your relationship if you could manage to improve your credit rating – increase your income and/or cut down on your spending – but that would not change the fact that your boyfriend talks about things that should be private between the two of you.
I suggest couples counselling with a professional counsellor to help you both learn to deal with both of these important problems.
Dear Queenie,
Our son told us recently that years ago he had an affair with a married woman and recently he met up with her again and she told him that he is the father of one of her children, a boy.
She is still married to the same man and our son says she has a couple of other children that she says are her husband’s and her husband never had any doubts about the boy she says is our son’s.
We told our son he should get a paternity test to make sure who is that boy’s father and now our son is mad at us for suggesting it.
Queenie, this could be our only grandchild. What should we do?—Concerned grandparents (maybe)
Dear Maybe grandparents,
Your advice to your son to get a paternity test makes good sense – it is just what a lawyer would have told him if he had consulted one.
What you should do is – nothing. Leave it up to your son to decide what, if anything, he does next and to deal with any possible consequences.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is 25 years old and she goes out on dates with men she only met on the Internet and really doesn’t know very well and she depends on me to babysit her 2-year-old daughter while she is out with these men. Sometimes she stays out with one of these men for a whole weekend.
I’m worried something bad will happen to her on one of these dates, but when I try to talk to her about it she gets mad at me for trying to control her.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about all this besides trying to talk to her about it?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
No matter how much you talk to your daughter, it will not do any good until she is ready to listen to what you have to say. However, you can consult an attorney about getting custody of your granddaughter to protect her from the possible consequences of her mother’s behaviour. If that happens, it might make your daughter more willing to listen to you and (hopefully) change the way she behaves.
