Dear Queenie,
Ever since our daughter graduated from college and moved out of our house my wife has been filling her room with all sorts of stuff – clothes, papers, stuff she buys at yard sales or online. Now the room is so full you can hardly move around in it and we have even rented a storage locker.
She will never sort through all that stuff. She promises to do it, but she always has something else to do and never gets around to it.
Queenie, I am thinking about throwing out some of the stuff the next time she goes to visit our daughter, but then what would my wife do?—Fed-up husband
Dear Husband,
Your wife’s hoarding may have been triggered by the stress of having your daughter “leave the nest” and she probably could benefit from professional treatment for her behaviour. Your family doctor can refer you to a counsellor.
Meanwhile, it would not be a good idea to just start “throwing out some of the stuff” she has accumulated.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine at school smokes marijuana during the lunch hour. He knows I know and he made me promise to keep it a secret. He says he is depressed and doing this makes him feel better.
Queenie, should I break my promise and tell someone, and who should I tell?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
What your friend is doing is not the best way to deal with depression, and I am surprised that none of your friend’s teachers or any school authorities have noticed what your friend is doing.
Tell the school counsellor or a teacher you trust about his depression and hopefully in dealing with his depression they will also deal with his use of an illegal substance before the latter gets him into legal trouble.
Dear Queenie,
A man I know told me when we were chatting that he was thinking about killing himself and soon after that I heard that he was in the hospital because he actually tried.
Queenie, should I have done something when he told me? What if it happens again?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
He will be alright as long as he is in the hospital, but after he gets out, if he ever says anything like that to you, make sure you know where he is and whether he has actually done anything to himself, and if he has call 911 and ask them to send help.
Dear Queenie,
My teenage daughter still calls me “Mommy”. Her brother is a couple of years older and he calls me “Mom”.
Queenie, isn’t it time my daughter starts calling me “Mom” too?—Mother of two
Dear Mother,
I do not think it matters much what your daughter calls you as long as she does it respectfully. If it really bothers you, speak to her about it, but do not make it a serious issue.
Dear Queenie,
My wife always told me I was only the second man she ever had sex with, but after we were married for several years I found out from some friends of hers how much she played around with so many different men when she was in college. If I knew this before we got married I wouldn’t have married her. Now I wonder what else she lied to me about.
I love her and I want for us to stay married but I don’t know what I should do.
Queenie, please help me!—Confused husband
Dear Husband,
Your wife was probably ashamed of her sexual past and lied to you because she knew how you would react. You need to get over the way you feel about all this or, if you cannot, think about ending your marriage. A professional counsellor could help you work this out.
And think about this: The number of men she has slept with since she married you is far more important than the number of lovers she had before she met you.
