Dear Queenie,
My ex-husband got married and now he has four stepchildren with his new wife. When he came to visit the son he had with me when we were married I saw that he got all his stepchildren’s names tattooed on his arm, but our son’s name isn’t there.
Queenie, is this right? His stepchildren but not his own biological son?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
No, it is not right, but his new wife’s influence may have had something to do with the omission.
Talk to him about it. Perhaps you can convince him to add your son’s name to his tattoos, perhaps on another – equally visible – part of his body.
Dear Queenie,
My older brother and I have never gotten along well and I have tried to avoid him ever since we grew up and were not living in the same house, but now he is married and they have a new baby girl and I just love my niece.
Queenie, I wish I could get along better with my brother so I could enjoy visiting with them and seeing my niece. What can I do?—Unhappy aunt
Dear Aunt,
Try to ignore your brother’s behaviour when you visit them, and try to visit his wife and baby when he is not there. You can also ask his wife, your sister-in-law, to help make your visits more pleasant. And I am sure they both would love it if you offer to babysit now and then when they want to go out.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is very smart and well-educated, but she got engaged to a man who is not as well-educated as she is and it seems to me he is actually rather stupid.
Queenie, I really think he is not good enough for her but she has never asked me what I think about him.—Big sister
Dear Sister,
If your sister has never asked you what you think about her fiancé she obviously is not interested in your opinion of him.
It may be hard to understand what she sees in him that makes her want to marry him, but asking her about it and/or telling her what you think could cause problems between the two of you because she probably would be vexed that it is not complimentary and would not pay much attention to what you say.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend got married about a year ago and whenever he has a problem with his wife he calls me to tell me all about it. He goes on and on about it and tells me things that I think should be private between the two of them and maybe a marriage counsellor. I don’t think he should be telling so much, but he just goes right on talking.
Queenie, how can I get him to stop all this?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Tell your friend that he should not be telling you so many things that should be private between him and his wife, that you do not want to hear about them, and that if there are so many problems he – and his wife – should be talking instead to a professional marriage counsellor. And repeat as necessary.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years and she is still just as beautiful as the day we got married. My only problem is that she just isn’t interested in sex and we have it about once every 2 weeks. She seems to enjoy it once we get started but when I asked her why not more often she said what we have is enough for her and more would be “too much work.”
Queenie, can you give me any advice?—Frustrated husband
Dear Husband,
Ask your wife to talk to her doctor about this – and try to be with her when she does, if both of them will permit it.
Beyond that, try to concentrate on all the other aspects of your marriage that make you happy and be thankful for them.
