Dear Queenie,
One of my friends has a habit of getting on her cell phone while we are talking to look up whatever we are talking about on the Internet.
Queenie, isn’t this rude? Should I say something?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Whether this is rude depends on why your friend does it. She may want to be certain you and/or she are getting things right and, if not, get more information about it and straighten out any mistakes, and is just trying to be helpful. If that is her attitude, just thank her for her input.
Dear Queenie,
My ex-wife and I got divorced more than 20 years go and she took our children and moved far away from where I live, but she never got together with another man. She died recently and I would like to help my children, who are now all grown up, deal with their emotions about this, but I think the financial aspects of her funeral and burial are for them and her family, which I am not part of anymore.
Queenie, am I right? And should I go to the funeral for my children’s sake? Like I said, they live far away, so it would be difficult and expensive.—Far-away father
Dear Father,
I do not think anyone expects you to help pay for your ex-wife’s funeral, but you can ask your children if they would like you to be there for emotional support.
If you do not attend the funeral, you still might want to arrange a family reunion at some other time that is convenient for all of you.
Dear Queenie,
When my son got married many years ago he and his wife were both working full time and they made it a rule that we and her family would not just stop by and visit any time we felt like it. In all these years they hardly ever invited us over for any occasion, like a birthday party, but I know they have had her family over much more often. Even our grandchildren have noticed the difference and want to know why they don’t see us as much as their other grandparents.
Queenie, what can we tell them?—Feeling rejected
Dear Feeling rejected,
Leave your grandchildren out of this conversation. Talk to your son and daughter-in-law and ask them if they have some problem with you and if so, what you can do about it. Meanwhile, you can arrange to have the children visit you at your home and/or take them on pleasant outings.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend says he is committed to our relationship and I am the only woman he ever wants and we have talked about getting married, but he still keeps on looking at dating sites on his computer.
Queenie, he says he loves me and I’m the only woman he ever wants, so why does he still do this and how can I get him to stop?—Angry girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Apparently your idea of a “committed relationship” and your boyfriend’s are not quite the same, and/or he is not very good at telling the truth.
If he were really ready to get married, with all the related limitations on his behaviour, he would not be online looking at/for other available women.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I (both over 50) have been living together for almost 10 years and we want to get married, but her 25-year-old son gets upset every time we talk about it. I get along with him just fine, but he still gets upset when we talk about getting married.
I think we should just go ahead and get married and he will get used to the idea but his mother is afraid of what he might do if we do that. My girlfriend and I went for counselling about all this and we tried to get him to go too, but he refuses to even try it out.
Queenie, what more can we do?—Would-be husband
Dear Would-be husband,
Your girlfriend’s son apparently has some serious issues that he should deal with, but you say he refuses to do so. He also may be concerned about how your marriage to his mother would affect his rights to inheritance of any of her assets.
You and your girlfriend should get more counselling, plus some legal advice, to help her (and you) work out ways to deal with her son’s problems.
