Dear Queenie,
I’ve been living on my own since I was 18 (about 10 years). I have a good job, my own home, pay my own bills and I’m not in debt, but my mother keeps asking me to move back home with her so she can take care of me.
Queenie, how can I get her to treat me like an independent adult?—Fed-up grown-up child.
Dear Grown-up child,
Your mother may want you to come back to live with her more because she does not want to live alone than because she wants to take care of you. Try to be understanding, see as much of her as you can, but try to make her understand that if she keeps pressuring you this way she will be seeing less of you, not more.
Dear Queenie,
My sister had an affair with a married man and now she is pregnant. What is worse is that she committed a crime and is going to be in prison when the baby is born.
My mother plans to take care of the child until my sister gets out of prison, but my wife and I would like to adopt the baby so that it will grow up in a stable home, which my sister can’t give it until she gets out of prison and is not likely to be able to do so after she gets out.
Queenie, how can we make my mother understand that this decision should be according to what is best for the baby?—Worried Uncle-to-be
Dear Uncle-to-be,
Try to help your mother understand how much of a problem it will be for the child in the future to have to go to live with someone they do not know, from whom they have been separated for all their life, and who has no prospects for being able to take proper care of them. In a case like this, the present and future needs of the child should come first.
Dear Queenie,
My husband likes to gamble and it is causing us some real money problems. We both have good jobs, but oftentimes he gambles away so much money that we don’t have enough to pay our bills and buy groceries and fix things that need fixing in our house.
Queenie, I don’t want to leave him, but what can I do to preserve our marriage?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband is an addict, He is addicted to gambling and until he understands this and gets help for it your problems will continue. Keep your money in separate accounts so that he cannot have access to the money you need to run the household and pay your bills.
There is an organisation called Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org) that can give you more information and support in dealing with your husband’s problem.
Dear Queenie,
Flirting and even having an affair, or even more than one, is normal behaviour for both men and women. When people write to you about this as a problem you advise them to get counselling or even break up their relationship.
Queenie, why don’t you just tell them to ignore it and be happy together?—Regular reader
Dear Regular reader,
Thank you for reading my column regularly.
There is a reason most wedding ceremonies include phrases like “forsaking all others” and “keep thee only unto him (or her)”.
If both partners in a relationship agree that this kind of behaviour is acceptable, that is up to them. However, more often one of the partners is very unhappy about it, and that is when it becomes a problem. If someone is not happy about what is going on, my advice stands.
Dear Queenie,
I have had a few dates with a girl I like, but I don’t really see any future with her. I don’t want to stop seeing her because I like things the way they are, but she likes me a lot more than I like her.
Queenie, should I go on seeing her?—Mixed-up dater
Dear Mixed-up dater,
Be honest with this girl. Tell her how you feel and let her decide whether to go on seeing you.
