Dear Queenie,
About a year ago I had a big argument with my daughter who was thinking of walking out on her husband after they had been married only a few weeks. I tried to make her understand that marriage is a big commitment and she shouldn’t give up on it so soon, but the argument got worse and started to be about other problems between the two of us.
They did stay together and recently they celebrated their anniversary, but my daughter hasn’t spoken to me since our argument and after a while I stopped trying to contact her in any way – phone, texts, emails, whatever.
Her husband, my son-in-law, stays in touch with me and he has tried to get her to contact me but she just won’t do it.
Queenie, how can I get her to reconcile with me? I miss her so much.—Sad father
Dear Father,
Apparently your daughter is rather immature and tends to make hasty decisions.
Send her a letter or an email saying how sorry you are for anything you said that hurt her and that you hope she can forgive you someday.
And be glad her husband stays in touch with you.
Dear Queenie,
My wife passed away several years ago and now I have met a woman who is also widowed for some time and we have fallen in love and are thinking about getting married. However, while I have a moderate income, her husband was quite wealthy and left her very well-off, and I can’t afford to take care of her the way he did.
Queenie, do you think I have a chance of making marriage to her work?—In love, but worried
Dear In love,
This is something you should discuss with your lady friend and work out financial matters before you before you get married. It would be a good idea for the two of you to consult a professional financial advisor.
However, you both should be concentrating on all the things that make the two of you compatible and that made you fall in love.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law, who is in her 80s, has lived in an apartment in our house for many years. Now that our children are grown up, my wife and I would like to move to a smaller house, but what about her mother?—Son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
So, while your children were growing up it was great to have Grandma right there – to help out with baby-sitting? But now that you and the children do not need her anymore she is just extra baggage?
At her age, it probably will be difficult for your mother-in-law to adjust to new living arrangements. And bear in mind that when you get older your children may treat you the way they have seen you treat their grandmother.
Perhaps it would be best for you to wait a while longer before you make any changes to your living situation.
Dear Queenie,
I found out that my husband was having an affair with a co-worker and he promised to end it and I am sure he did, but I just can’t get over what he did, no matter how hard he promises not to ever do anything like that again.
Queenie, how can I learn to trust him again and go on being married to him like before?—Heartbroken wife
Dear Wife,
Not being able to trust your spouse is very damaging to a marriage, or to any relationship for that matter. Professional marriage counselling would help you learn to deal with all this.
Ask your family doctor, or clergyperson if you are religious, to refer you to a marriage counsellor. It would be best if your husband goes with you for counselling, but if he will not, go by yourself to get the help you need.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend has 2 grownup children who still live with her and she supports them and they don’t even try to move out or live on their own.
Queenie, how can I persuade her that they need to do learn to do better?—Worried boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
Ask your girlfriend who will take care of her if (when) she is no longer able to take care of herself, and what will become of her children if (when) she is no longer able (or there) to support and take care of them. These are matters to which she should give some serious thought.
