Dear Queenie,
My son and his family moved in with us (me and his father) when my son lost his job. My problem is the way my daughter-in-law spoils their 8-year-old daughter, my granddaughter.
The girl doesn’t even try to keep her room neat and clean and uses very bad language when I try to tell her to do better. When I or my son (her father) scold the little girl or try to show her how to do better, my daughter-in-law gets mad at us, but not at her for whatever she has done wrong.
Queenie, how do we get my daughter-in-law to be a better mother?—Fed-up grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Your granddaughter will grow up without many friends, if any at all, and if she uses bad language she surely must get in trouble at school, but if she does better there she apparently does not carry the lesson home.
Professional parental counselling, if you can persuade her to go for it, might make more of an impression on your daughter-in-law than you or her husband have been able to do. Meanwhile, for the child’s sake keep trying.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I let a friend’s son come to live with us while he attends university, until he can move into a dormitory or get a place of his own. The problem is that our own children do not like having him here because he is a “stranger” and they are not very nice to him, partly because they think it is costing us money even though they know his parents are paying us for his room and board.
Queenie, what can we do about this?—Fed-up father
Dear Father,
It is up to you and your wife, not your children, to decide who should be a guest, paying or not, in your home. Even if they do not like your friend’s son, you should insist that your children treat him with respect and courtesy.
Dear Queenie,
My fiancee and I have been living together for many years and at first we used to have sex quite often, but as we got older (we are now both in our 50s) and she put on some weight and her daughter and granddaughter came to live with us the sex got to be less and less often until now it’s not at all.
Queenie, am I doing something wrong or are those all good reasons for what is (not) happening?—Deprived fiance
Dear Fiance,
Your fiancee has good reasons for her loss of interest in sex. As a woman gets older and goes through “the change of life”, not to mention gaining a lot of weight and the presence of her child and grandchild, her ability to have sex and interest in doing it decrease.
She should consult her family doctor, and possibly a specialist, for the physical reasons, and possibly a psychological counsellor, together with you, for her mental issues.
Meanwhile, I hope you will continue to love her and give her all the mental and psychological support you can.
Dear Queenie,
My wife has teenage children from her first marriage. I found out recently that when she got some information about one of them she did not tell me about it because she thought it would be violating her child’s privacy.
I am offended because this makes me feel like I am not really part of her family. She thinks she was justified.
Queenie, who is right?—Offended stepfather
Dear Stepfather,
Your wife is. If her child asked her not to discuss whatever it was with you, your wife was correct in doing as her child requested. This is not a problem in your marriage unless you make it so. Children often keep secrets from their parents, never mind their step-parents.
Dear Queenie,
My husband used to look at porn sites on the Internet, but he stopped when I got mad about it and said it was a form of cheating. Then the other day I caught him looking at a site that was a view of a nude beach.
Queenie, isn’t that the same thing?—Disgusted wife
Dear Wife,
It is not exactly the same, but it is similar, and he should not do any of this if it upsets you. You can tell him I said so, if you think it will help.
