Dear Queenie,
When I go to some kind of party, like a wedding or whatever, I like to be able to chat with the other guests, my family or friends, but the music is so loud we can’t hear each other and I even start to get a headache.
Queenie, why do they have to play it so loud?—Deafened Guest
Dear Deafened Guest,
You can always mention the problem to the hosts and ask them to have the music turned down a little. And bring earplugs in case that does not help, or be prepared to just walk out.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 50s and have been married for a couple of years to a man who has a teenage son who has started drinking and using drugs and a mother who has been very sick.
My husband used to be romantic, giving me flowers and taking me out on “dates”, but not so much anymore, but he still expects me to have sex with him whenever he wants without any “romance” leading up to it and he doesn’t think I’m being fair to him if I’m not in the mood. I suggested we get counselling, but he won’t go.
Queenie, is he right and I’m wrong?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
This is not about who is right or wrong.
Your husband is under a lot of stress with his mother and son, but he still wants to connect with you and, like a lot of men, to him that means sex, not romance.
Tell him that you need him to be a little bit “romantic” once in a while (maybe once a week?) and you will not feel so neglected, but if he cannot manage even that, it would seem he was faking that attitude before.
Dear Queenie,
When I go to a party very often someone asks me where I got my fancy clothes or accessories. I think this is rude of them.
Queenie, what is a good response?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
When someone asks you a question like that, they usually mean it as a compliment. If you do not want to answer the question, just smile, thank them for the compliment, and talk about something else.
Dear Queenie,
Some relatives of ours just had a baby, their first child. We would like to visit them, but we don’t want to stress them out.
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—Thoughtful relatives
Dear Relatives,
Wait until they have had the child at home for at least 3 weeks.
Keep your visit short, maybe half an hour, unless you stay to help with the housework or the new parents ask you to stay longer.
Bring food.
Wash your hands before touching the baby.
If you have small children, do not bring them with you, as their antics may cause stress for your hosts.
If the new mother needs to breastfeed her baby and cannot move around comfortably, offer to leave the room to give her some privacy.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 60s and I have custody of both my pre-school-age grandchildren. People tell me I should let them be adopted by parents who are much younger than me.
Queenie, I want what’s best for my grandchildren. What do you think I should do?—Concerned grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
If you have good health and plenty of energy, keep your grandchildren, but make arrangements for them to be taken care of if anything happens to you.
