Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a terminal illness and his family invited a group of us, his friends, to a “goodbye” dinner for him.
Queenie, do we have to send “thank you” notes? And who do we send them to?—“Thank you” Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Send a “thank you” note to the person who invited you to the dinner, and if your friend is well enough to understand it, send another note to him saying how much you enjoyed spending time with him and appreciate being invited to the dinner.
Dear Queenie,
I graduated college and have a great job that pays very well. My boyfriend, who is a couple of years older than I am, only finished high school. He has a good job and gets good pay, but not nearly as much as I do. He thinks my parents don’t like him because he didn’t go to college and he keeps saying he is afraid I might leave him for someone who makes more money.
Queenie, my parents like him very much because they see how well he treats me and I don’t care about the difference in our income for the same reason. How can I make him understand this?—Happy girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Tell your boyfriend you do not care how much he earns, that what is important is the way he treats you, and your feelings are hurt that he thinks you care so much about money. But there is not much more you can do until he understands the value of everything he offers you besides money.
Dear Queenie,
My big sister makes fun of me all the time about the things I like to do, the kind of clothes I like to wear, the friends I have, even who I voted for in the last election, so I have stopped telling her anything about what I do and now she also makes fun of me for being boring.
Queenie, what can I do to make things better between us?—Little brother
Dear Little brother,
Your sister is a bully and she calls you “boring” because she does not find you as entertaining as you used to be.
There is nothing you can do about her attitude, so try to ignore her behaviour as much as you can and focus your attention on the other members of your family.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is a lot older than I am, almost 15 years, and a lot of times people who don’t know us very well and see us together think I am his daughter or he is my father.
Queenie, what’s the best way to respond to them?—Much younger girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Just tell them “No, she is my girlfriend/he is my boyfriend” and change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
I have 3 sisters and brothers and our grandmother gives us money gifts on special occasions like our birthdays and Christmas. What we don’t understand is why she doesn’t give all of us the same amount of money.
Queenie, does it mean she loves some of us more than the others?—Confused grandchild
Dear Grandchild,
More likely, your grandmother gives you amounts of money according to what she sees as your needs, or possibly in relation to the way you treat her.
Do you all spend the same amount of time calling and/or visiting her (not just being babysat). Do you all write thank-you notes for her gifts? Do you all remember your grandmother on her birthday and other special occasions? Are you all fairly close in age (1 or 2 years apart) or widely apart (ranging from 5 to 20)? Does she help some of you more than the others in other ways like taking you places or buying you things like toys or clothes or paying for special needs like college tuition?
Whatever the reason for this difference may be, I recommend that you do not ask her about it. Just accept that that is the way she is and thank her for loving you.
