Dear Queenie,
Flirting and even having an affair, or even more than one, is normal behaviour for both men and women. When people write to you about this as a problem you advise them to get counselling or even break up their relationship.
Queenie, why don’t you just tell them to ignore it and be happy together?—Regular reader
Dear Regular reader,
Thank you for reading my column regularly.
There is a reason most wedding ceremonies include phrases like “forsaking all others” and “keep thee only unto him (or her)”.
If both partners in a relationship agree that this kind of behaviour is acceptable, that is up to them. However, more often one of the partners is very unhappy about it, and that is when it becomes a problem. If someone is not happy about what is going on, my advice stands.
Dear Queenie,
My husband likes to gamble and it is causing us some real money problems. We both have good jobs, but oftentimes he gambles away so much money that we don’t have enough to pay our bills and buy groceries and fix things that need fixing in our house.
Queenie, I don’t want to leave him, but what can I do to preserve our marriage?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband is an addict, He is addicted to gambling and until he understands this and gets help for it your problems will continue. Keep your money in separate accounts so that he cannot have access to the money you need to run the household and pay your bills.
There is an organisation called Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org) that can give you more information and support in dealing with your husband’s problem.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend is a widow. Her husband died of cancer several years ago. She says she wants to go on with her life with me, but she talks about him all the time and compares me to him and says he would do things better than I do.
Queenie, how can I get her to let me be me, not a ghost of her lost husband?—Her new love
Dear New love,
Have you told your girlfriend how it makes you feel when she talks about her lost love? If not, tell her that you sympathise with her loss, but how the comparison makes you feel.
Perhaps you can help her find a grief support group who will help her work through her feelings of loss and move on to a new life.
Dear Queenie,
I have had a few dates with a girl I like, but I don’t really see any future with her. I don’t want to stop seeing her because I like things the way they are, but she likes me a lot more than I like her.
Queenie, should I go on seeing her?—Mixed-up dater
Dear Mixed-up dater,
Be honest with this girl. Tell her how you feel and let her decide whether to go on seeing you.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend comes from an abusive family. Her brother beats up on her and her parents don’t do anything to stop him, and her parents just yell at her when she complains to them about it and asks them for help.
Her grandparents have offered to let her live with them and my family has too, but she won’t do it. Her plan is to move in with her boyfriend when she is 18 but I don’t think that is a good idea.
Queenie, what can I do to hellp her?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
You are quite right to be worried about your friend. Even if she lasts until then, moving in with her boyfriend may not solve her problems. In fact, it might make them worse. She will be totally dependent on him and that will not make for a good relationship.
On the other hand, while she will be dependent on whoever she lives with, if she lives with her grandparents or your family she will be safe while she works out what to do next – finish her education and possibly go on to college or get a job and become self-supporting and independent, and better able to make wise decisions about her future.
