Dear Queenie,
I lost all my hair because of chemotherapy for cancer. Now I wear a natural-looking wig and I get compliments on the color and style.
Queenie, what do I tell them when they ask me who is my hairdresser? I don’t want to tell them it’s a wig.—Embarrassed cancer survivor
Dear Embarrassed,
Tell the person who styles your wig that you get a lot of compliments on your hair style and would be willing to refer the people to her (or him) but do not want anyone to know you wear a wig. Most hairdressers are very good at keeping such secrets.
Dear Queenie,
My father died of an overdose of drugs when I was just a child. Sometimes when I am with my friends we start talking about our families and I just say my father died when I was very young and they will ask me how it happened.
Queenie, I don’t want to talk about what he did so I just say he was very sick, but what do I say if they ask for more details? I don’t want to be rude.—Orphaned son
Dear Son,
You are not obligated to give such people any personal information. Just tell them you would rather not talk about it, and change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter got divorced because her husband cheated on her. Now the girlfriend is pregnant. My daughter thinks her ex-husband should get a paternity test on the girlfriend’s child before he ever introduces it to the children he had with her as their half-sibling, just in case the girlfriend cheated on him the way he cheated on his wife.
Queenie, what do you think?—Doubtful mother
Dear Mother,
Your daughter cannot prevent her ex from thinking that child is his and introducing him or her to your grandchildren as their half-sibling, but given the circumstances, you would think he would want to know for certain that he is its father.
Dear Queenie,
I used to smoke marijuana for a while when I was in college, but I stopped before I graduated and I have never done it again.
Queenie, what should I tell my children when they ask me if I ever took drugs?—Ex-user
Dear Ex-user,
I do not believe anyone should ever lie to their children.
Tell your children that you tried it when you were in college, but did not like it and considered it a waste of your time. And tell them that as long as you are responsible for them you will not condone any such activity.
Dear Queenie,
Recently one of my children passed away from illness. I still have my two other children and they keep me busy, but I find it annoying and not comforting at all when someone tells me I should concentrate on them and the fact that I still have them, and not on my loss.
Queenie, what is a polite response to that kind of advice?—Mother in mourning
Dear Mother,
Tell them – politely!!! – that you have never stopped loving and taking care of your remaining children, but that does not ease the pain of your loss.
