Dear Queenie,

My very old mother and several of her very old friends still live in their own homes but they don’t drive any more. They could keep in touch by phone, but they don’t for some reason. Maybe they don’t have old-fashioned land lines and don’t know how to use modern cell phones.

Queenie, how can I help my mother?—Concerned daughter

Dear Daughter,

You can help your mother and her friends by making sure they have contact with and transportation to a senior citizens centre and/or a senior citizens help organisation. And be sure she has regular medical check-ups (and her friends too).

Dear Queenie,

When I was a little kid my 10 years older brother raped me. I tried to tell my mother about it, but I didn’t know the right words and she didn’t believe me. She told me I shouldn’t make up stories about people. But I wasn’t making it up, and I still remember exactly what he did and how terrible it felt.

After that I tried to stay away from him and he went away to school soon after and when he came back he had his own place to live so I didn’t see him very often.

Now I am grown up he wants us to have a good brother-and-sister relationship, but I don’t want anything to do with him and I certainly don’t want him anywhere near my kids. He keeps calling and wanting us to get together on holidays and things like that, and the rest of the family keep trying to get me to “make up” with him.

Queenie, how can I get them all to leave me alone?—Rape victim

Dear Rape victim,

Tell your family exactly why you don’t want anything to do with your rapist brother. There is no reason for you to feel ashamed about what happened. I wasn’t your fault, it was his, and there is no reason for you to protect him by staying silent.

Furthermore, if they also have young children, they should be warned about this “funny uncle” before he has a chance to hurt another child.

If that doesn’t discourage your brother, have caller ID installed on your phone so you can block out his calls. If he still pesters you, you can file a complaint of harassment with the police and tell them too why you don’t want to have anything to do with him.

You might also seek counselling through Safe Haven. Even after all these years, you could probably use some help in dealing with what he did to you.

Dear Queenie,

A friend of mine got married when she was still in her teens and now she is expecting a baby and she is asking me for advice for some problems, like sexy messages from someone else that she found on her husband’s cell phone.

Queenie, what should I tell her?—Worried friend

Dear Friend,

Apparently your friend’s husband does not attach much importance to his marriage and may not turn out to be a very good parent.

Your friend should talk to her family about all this and ask for their help. She also should start thinking about how she will support herself and her child if her marriage breaks up. Professional counselling could help her work these things out and prepare herself for whatever comes in the future.

Dear Queenie,

My daughter has been living with her boyfriend for many years. They have two children, they both have good jobs and they own their own home together. They are planning to get married in December and my daughter expects me to pay for her wedding.

I have a small fixed income and cannot afford the kind of fancy affair they are planning.

Queenie, do I have to pay for it?— Strapped for cash

Dear Strapped for cash,

No. A wedding is a gift the bride’s parents usually give to the happy couple, but they are not required to do so.

Your daughter and her fiancé are on their own and apparently fairly well off, and can afford to pay for their own wedding. If you wish to contribute whatever you can afford, it would be a nice gesture on your part, but you are not obligated to do so.

If they cannot afford a fancy affair for some reason, they should be willing to settle for what they – and you – can afford.