Dear Queenie,
When you send greeting cards, like at Christmas, to a family that has grown-up children still living with their parents, can you send one card for the whole family or should you send one card for the parents and a separate card for each of the children?—Greeting card Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is alright to send one card for the whole family, but it is a good idea to list all of their names on the envelope (if there is enough space!) and inside on the card as well, to make it clear that the good wishes are intended for all of them.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married, but she doesn’t want to give up her family name.
Queenie, does this mean she isn’t really ready to make a commitment to me?—Worried boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
Many women prefer to keep their maiden name (the family name they were born with) for professional reasons, others out of loyalty to their birth family. As a compromise, it is common for a woman to hyphenate the two names. Would you be willing to have her do this? If not, perhaps both of you should reconsider whether you are ready for marriage.
Dear Queenie,
When my parents-in-law came to visit us they expected us to spend all our time with them. However, one day when they were here was a very special occasion for my own parents and we arranged to spend that evening with them. Then my in-laws kept pushing us to go out to dinner with them that same night. We agreed to go, planning to eat quickly and then go to my parents for the rest of the evening, but the dinner lasted very long – other people came late and service was very slow – and by the time we got to my parents’ home everyone else had gone already and my parents were mad that we hadn’t been there.
Queenie, what should we have done?—In-law Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You could have set a time you would stay with your in-laws that evening and left when that time was up, no matter what. Or your spouse could have spent the evening with their parents while you spent the evening with yours.
Hopefully things will go better the next time your in-laws visit.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is a social person, but I am a loner. She keeps pestering me to go out with friends with her, but I just don’t enjoy that sort of thing. I like doing things with her and our children, but not with a lot of other people.
Queenie, how can I make her understand?—Antisocial husband
Dear Husband,
Married people usually socialise together. Try to go along with your wife’s wishes at least occasionally.
If your dislike for socialising is too strong, it may be a psychological disorder, in which case I recommend professional counselling. Your family doctor can refer you to a specialist.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 60s and I look like you would expect at my age. My boyfriend says I should get some surgery to make me look better (younger).
Queenie, what do you think?—Elderly girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I think such surgery would be expensive and (at any age) there would be some risk involved. Is your boyfriend willing to help pay for the surgery? Is he aware of the risk? And has he considered the fact that if you start to look younger you might start looking for (and possibly find) another, more considerate, boyfriend?
