Dear Queenie,
My long-time live-in girlfriend had a little boy when I met her and I have come to love the child as if he were my own. His real father has never been around at all.
My girlfriend developed some serious health problems and she died recently.
Queenie, I am arranging to adopt her son, but since we were never married, how do I explain our relationship to strangers when they ask?—Still in mourning
Dear In mourning,
Tell them the boy’s mother was your long-time partner or girlfriend, or your significant other, and that you love her son as though he were your own, as he soon will be through adoption.
Dear Queenie,
Now that our children are grown up and out on their own my wife and I are moving into a smaller home. We have everything we need – clothes, furniture, etc. – and don’t need more stuff, and when people give us things we don’t need we donate them to charities.
Queenie, how do we explain to everyone that we would rather get a gift certificate to a restaurant or tickets to some event?—Fed-up new-home owner
Dear Homeowner,
Tell people what you have told me – that you have everything you need – and if they are planning to give you a gift and ask what you would want, tell them what you would like to receive or ask them to make a donation to a charity in your name. And if they still give you something you do not want, thank them for it and then donate it yourself.
Dear Queenie,
My ex-boyfriend has been my best friend for eight years now. Recently, he entered into a relationship with a girl who looks and acts just like me. Since then, things have been different between us.
Queenie, what do I have to offer him in terms of friendship now that he has found a perfect substitute?—Ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
Your friendship without “benefits”, as long as his new girlfriend does not object.
As I am sure you have learned, there is a difference between being a “girlfriend” and being just a “friend”.
Dear Queenie,
My mother and my stepfather got divorced because he had an affair and was not faithful to her.
He was always a good father to me and a good grandfather to my children and he wants to stay involved with us even if not with my mother.
Queenie, I want to be loyal to my mother. What can I do?—Confused stepson
Dear Stepson,
Tell your mother’s ex that you still appreciate everything he has done for you and your children, and that you will stay in touch with him, but that you will not be seeing him on any occasion when your mother is present.
Dear Queenie,
I enjoy reading your columns, especially the more humorous ones.
Anyway, I'd like to hear your thoughts on a personal topic. What advice do you have for young people who grew up with highly religious parents and are now frightened to speak up for themselves as adults because they don’t want to “dishonor” their parents or have curses cast upon them because they want to be their own person, making decisions without guilt and shame?
Queenie, I look forward to hearing from you.—Tired church girl
Dear Church girl,
Do not argue with your parents about their religious beliefs. Try to respect them and, as much as you can, abide by them.
However, once you are out on your own you can live more according to your own religious concepts – again, without discussing or arguing with your parents about them.
