Dear Queenie,

My mother died a few months ago and while we were clearing out her things my Dad found some letters she had saved from when she was a girl, before she ever met him. They were from a boy she dated in high school.

Now all Dad can talk about is how Mom was unfaithful to him in her heart by keeping the letters. He says if she had really loved him she wouldn’t have kept the letters to remember someone else.

Queenie, I don’t know what to say to him. Help!—Daughter in mourning

Dear Daughter in mourning,

Your father is also in mourning and is not thinking entirely rationally. He is probably also angry at your mother for “leaving” him, a normal stage of the grief process, and because he knows she didn’t leave him voluntarily, he is using the letters as an excuse for his anger.

Tell him it is normal for women to keep mementoes of happy times in their youth. It was probably not the boy she remembered, but her young days and the feeling of first love. Tell him also that she probably had forgotten she had the letters, and if she had forgotten them, she had also forgotten the boy who wrote them.

Dear Queenie,

Although I agree with the advice you gave “Undecided”, that she could do better, I have to state that “better” is virtually impossible to find on this rock we call St. Martin.

I’m 28 and still single because I'm still on that quest to find “better.” The dating scene on this island is an ocean of married and involved men looking for a little something on the side. I keep hearing that there are other fish in the sea, but I keep turning up the same type or species (ha-ha).

Nowhere to be found is the “good man”, the faithful partner, who will respect a woman's mind, body and soul. A man who is not threatened by a woman's intellect or success. A man who is looking for more than an occasional romp in the sack, or a sugar momma. A real man.

Queenie, where are all the real men at? PS: Welcome to the Web and kindly don’t print my real name or e-mail address.--Single and searching

Dear Single and searching,

Thank you for the welcoming words, and let me state for the record: I never print anyone’s name or address in this column!

To answer your question, perhaps you are not casting out your bait in the right places. And perhaps the “good men” are leery of a woman who seems to be “fishing” for a “good catch”.

I suggest you stop searching for a man and simply try to be the best person you can be. Instead of looking for someone, do volunteer work, join a service club, or a church, if that is more to your taste.

Chances are when you stop “fishing” you will find yourself meeting a lot of good men. Most of them will be “spoken for”, of course, but you may get lucky. And even if you don’t, you will have made the world a little bit better place by doing something to help others.

Dear Queenie,

For the past year I have been involved with a woman from this island. I am from another island. We have many quarrels frequently. Despite the arguing we try to patch things up. But there are times when I think I should just throw in the towel.

I am very frustrated, I have no permanent papers and thus no job. I feel worthless as I have always been a young lady to support myself. Whenever I ask her about how my papers are going it turns into a disagreement. I wonder if it would be best to just go back to my country where I am sure of the procedures to get a job.

Queenie, I just need a second opinion on what to do; go back to my island, or stay in St. Maarten unemployed and unsure of the legal procedures and be patient while feeling stuck?—Jobless

Dear Jobless,

You do not say what kind of involvement you have with this lady. Is it romantic, or purely a matter of business, or both? Obviously it will be easier for you to “throw in the towel” if you have no emotional attachment to her.

Whatever the relationship is, it seems equally obvious to me that she is just “stringing you along.” Meanwhile, your position here is very precarious, to say the least. You could be detained by the authorities at any time for staying here illegally, and be sent back to your own country.

It would be better for you to leave now, before you are forced to leave and are given a black mark on your record. If this woman has any feelings or consideration for you, she will arrange for you to come back. If not, you are better off making the break sooner than later.

Dear Queenie,

I was together with this boy for 3 months and we went through some tough times, but now it’s over and he is still giving me some hard times.

When we were together we were having sexual intercourse and he told me that he would never tell any of his friends, but now all his friends know about it and they are spreading rumors, him also. I gave him all my trust, but I was warned about this, but I couldn’t believe it because he was nice to me.

I complained to him and he told me that it is not true and I couldn’t believe him because you could’ve seen it on his face.

Up to today I am hearing rumors that I should’ve heard during our relationship, so I could’ve known to leave him.

Queenie, I am a very young girl and I don’t want to have a dirty background just because I thought I could trust a boy. What should I do? Please e-mail me back!—Betrayed

Dear Betrayed,

I am sure that while you were going with your ex-boyfriend you could have heard the rumours you are now hearing, if you had been willing to listen, or to believe them. You say someone tried to warn you, but you refused to listen. For that matter, you probably could have seen for yourself what he was like, if you had been willing to look at him with the eyes in your head instead of your heart.

But they say love is blind, and apparently it is deaf also. You have also proved the truth of another old saying, the one about experience keeping a hard school.

There is nothing you can do about what happened between you and this boy. It is over and done with and you will have to suffer the consequences.

But learn from your mistake and make up your mind not to repeat it. Hold your head up and go about your business. Eventually you will live down the rumours; assuming, that is, that you do not give anyone any further reason to believe them.

Note to all my readers: E-mail letters also will be answered in this newspaper column.