Dear Queenie, A friend of mine has been separated from her husband for many years. They have not lived together for all that time but they never got legally divorced. For the last couple of years she has been dating another man and he has asked her to marry him and he even gave her an engagement ring. Queenie, can she be “engaged” to one man if she is still married to someone else?—Confused friend Dear Confused friend, Technically you are correct, but it is up to your friend to sort out her legal status. Leave it up to her to do so and meanwhile, for the sake of your friendship, do not argue with her about it.
Dear Queenie,
I have been living with my parents because I had some health issues and as I have been getting better I have been helping them around the house, but now I have been offered a good job that will require me to live some distance from them and they want me to stay with them because now they are getting older they have their own health problems and need my help.
Queenie, what do you think I should do?—Concerned daughter
Dear Daughter,
If you cannot find just as good a job that will let you continue to live with your parents, perhaps you can help by paying for someone to do the work around their house that you have been doing, and who will give them some of the other (health) care they will need.
Dear Queenie,
Our teenage son is always on his phone talking to someone or playing with one of the apps. Sometimes he doesn’t get his homework done because he was busy on his phone and sometimes he doesn’t wake up in the morning when the alarm clock goes off because he was up so late the night before playing on his phone, and then he gets to school late.
We don’t want problems with the school or other authorities because of all this.
Queenie, what can we do?—Worried parents
Dear Parents,
You have to set some rules about your son’s phone use and make him stick to them. Take his phone away when it is time for him to do his homework and do not let him have it back until the homework is done. Then take it away again at bedtime and do not let him have it back until he gets up in the morning and is ready to go to school.
I am willing to bet that the prospect of getting his phone back at these times will motivate him to do what is required of him in a timely manner.
Dear Queenie,
When we visit our daughter and her husband they turn on the TV but never ask us what we would like to see and they get themselves snacks but never offer to get us anything. When they are fixing dinner they never ask us what we would like to have to eat and drink.
Queenie, what kind of way is this to treat your guests?—Offended parents/in-laws
Dear Offended,
Your daughter and son-in-law are treating you like family, the way you and his parents treated them when they were growing up.
Feel free to ask – as pleasantly as you can manage – for what you want and need if it is not offered freely and promptly.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going out with this man for almost a year and he has asked me to marry him, but up to now he hasn’t met my parents. I have met his family but he keeps avoiding any chance to meet mine.
My parents are not happy about this and they wonder what kind of man he is to avoid them this way.
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Like your parents, I wonder what kind of man this is who wants to marry you but not to meet your family. I think you should be very slow about making plans for the future with him until you have learned a lot more about what kind of man he is and why he is avoiding meeting your family.
