Dear Queenie,
How old should a child be to stop sleeping in the same bed with their grandparents? My daughter is 5 and when she stays with my husband’s parents overnight they have her sleep with them.
Queenie, do you think this is okay?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Unless you have reason to think your daughter is being molested during these “sleepovers”, I do not think you have anything to worry about. I suspect it is happening because the grandparents do not have an extra bed for your daughter to sleep in, or because she is afraid of sleeping alone in what is to her a strange place.
Eventually your daughter will not accept these sleeping arrangements. Be prepared to offer to get her grandparents another bed for her to sleep in, or at least a separate sleeping bag or air mattress.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a man almost 30, but I still live with my parents because they need me to help them around the house and with some health problems they have. I have finished college and have my degree and a part-time job, but I don’t feel like I have done very much with my life.
Queenie, how can I stop feeling like a loser?—Adult son still living with parents
Dear Adult Son,
You are not a loser, you have done quite a bit with your life: You have earned your degree, you hold a job and you take care of your parents. It might help if you talk this over with a professional counsellor who can give you some perspective on your questions about yourself.
Dear Queenie,
When I invite my family to my house for dinner there is one person who always brings an extra person I didn’t expect. Then I have a problem finding a place for them at the table and having enough food for everybody.
When I invite them I always ask them to let me know ahead of time whether they are coming and how many of them are coming, but there is always a surprise guest.
Queenie, what am I supposed to do?—Fed-up Hostess
Dear Hostess,
Make sure when you invite these people that you ask them to let you know whether they are coming and how many of them are coming. Then set up a table for the number people you expect. If (when) there are extra guests, make a production of setting up an extra table (as far as possible from the expected guests) and seat them and the person(s) who brought them at that extra table.
And always prepare enough food to provide for unexpected guests. If you are surprised to find no one has brought anyone extra, at least you will have plenty for those who came – and probably enough leftovers for the next day or so.
Dear Queenie,
There are some members of my family who never can remember everyone’s birthday or other special occasions.
Queenie, how can I get them to remember such things without having to nag them about it?—Fed-up relative
Dear Fed-up relative,
Whenever you have occasion to give these people a gift, include a calendar on which you have marked all the special occasions you want them to remember, with the name(s) of the person(s) involved. Then they will probably remember, and if they do not they will have no excuse for forgetting.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 50s and I’ve fallen in love with a man who is in his 30s, but he says he just wants us to be friends.
Queenie, I really love him and I don’t want to lose him. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I ask him if there is any other woman in his life?—Middle-aged girlfriend
Dear Middle-aged girlfriend,
A man who says he “just wants to be friends” means what he says and has no romantic interest in you. It does not matter whether he has any other woman in his life.
If you are content to remain “just friends” with him that is all well and good, but if you want more from him, forget it, however difficult that may be for you.
