Dear Queenie,
I just found out that I am pregnant (it was an accident) and my parents are all excited about their first grandchild.
The problem is that they want me and my boyfriend to get married right away before the baby is born, but we would rather wait until after the baby comes and have a big wedding then, if we even get married at all. They don’t want anything to do with that idea.
Queenie, what should we do?—Unwed mother
Dear Unwed mother,
The decision about a wedding – when and if – is yours to make and if you are not ready to make that commitment you should not let yourself be rushed into it just because you are pregnant. That could well be a recipe for eventual divorce.
You and your boyfriend should wait until you are certain you are ready to get married and then have as big a wedding as you want. But of course your parents will not be obliged to pay it.
Dear Queenie,
One of the guys I work with takes the same bus as I do to go to work. He always manages to sit next to me and then walks with me to our office.
The problem is he is a non-stop talker and talks about personal things I would rather not hear about. I would appreciate some peace and quiet on the bus to get ready for the workday. I don’t want to be rude to him but I do wish he would leave me alone, or at least shut up.
Queenie, what do I do? Tell him to leave me alone? Go to work later, which would mean leaving later and maybe have trouble catching a bus?—Harassed colleague
Dear Harassed,
When you get on the bus, make a point of sitting next to someone else so that there will not be an unoccupied seat next to you for the chatterbox. And when you cannot avoid him, explain that you are trying to meditate or to concentrate on some kind of job-related problem and ask him not to distract you. If necessary, carry a laptop or other digital device and work on it, and again, ask him not to distract you.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a woman whose husband died about 10 years ago, long before we met. Her adult children hate me because they say their mother is being unfaithful to their father’s memory.
Queenie, do they expect her to stay alone for the rest of her life?—Widow’s boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
This kind of reaction is not uncommon. These people need to be reminded – by their clergyperson, if possible and relevant – that marriage vows are “until death do us part.” When one spouse dies, the commitment ends.
Just for the record, statistics show that widow(er)s who have had happy marriages are most likely to (eventually) find new life partners. In that sense, their mother’s relationship with you is a tribute to their father rather than an offence against him.
Dear Queenie,
A married friend of mine has become online very close friends with a man she has never met in person. She says it she not cheating on her husband because they have never met in person and never will. But I think her husband does not know how close they are and according to me the things they talk about should be private between man and wife.
Queenie, what is your opinion? And should I speak to her husband about it?—Can’t decide what to think
Dear Can’t decide,
I agree that this is not fair to your friend’s husband, but it is not really any of your business. If her husband asks you about it you are not under any obligation to lie to him, but otherwise do not say anything to him.
Dear Queenie,
I‘ve been dating this guy for about 6 months. I’m not seeing anyone else and I don’t think he is either but I notice that his relationship status on Facebook is still “single.” Mine is too, but I’ve been thinking about changing it.
Queenie, how long should I wait before I ask him about this?—Just wondering
Dear Wondering,
I suggest you have a – casual – talk with your boyfriend about this. Maybe he just forgot to change his status, or maybe he is not ready for the commitment you seem to want. Once you talk it over you will know what to expect from him, and what you want to do about it.
