Dear Queenie,
I’m getting married next year and after we set the date and started making plans my cousin asked me to change the date so she could be there because she has something else going on on the date we chose. When I told her that was out of the question she got vexed and we had an argument, so I have decided just not to invite her at all.
Now other relatives are saying I’m being selfish and rude and if she isn’t invited they won’t come either.
Queenie, was I wrong or was she?—Bride-to-be
Dear Bride-to-be,
You were both wrong. Your cousin made a totally unreasonable request and should not have gotten vexed when you refused – or were unable – to comply.
However, that is not sufficient reason to dis-invite her to your wedding. Take the high road – send her an invitation and let her know you hope she will be able to attend, but if not, you will understand and hope to see her soon on another occasion.
Dear Queenie,
My brother disapproves of my summer vacation clothes – mostly tank tops and shorts. He says they are too revealing and boys will think I am slutty.
Queenie, should I listen to him or is he just being overprotective?—Little sister
Dear Sister,
Ask your mother for her opinion and let her judgement prevail.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in high school but my mother says as long as I live with her I am too young to go out on a date with a boy.
Queenie, other girls my age can have boyfriends. Why can’t I?—Old enough
Dear Old enough,
If your mother will not let you learn about dating and relationships with boys while you still live with her, how does she expect you to learn when you are on your own – through sad experience? That kind of knowledge does not come easily or automatically.
Will your mother at least let you go out in groups of boys and girls? That would be a good start.
If not, talk this over with some other trusted adult and ask him or her to intercede for you.
Dear Queenie,
Queenie, what do you say to a woman who declares that she doesn’t believe in “feminism” because she expects her man to take care of everything for her?—Dumbfounded
Dear Queenie,
I have a lot of friends but sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough to be part of the popular crowd.
Queenie, what’s wrong with me?—Depressed
Dear Depressed,
Probably nothing at all.
Instead of worrying about what you think is “wrong” with you, concentrate on what is “right” and on making it even better.
You might also talk over your fears with a trusted friend or a professional counsellor. If there really is any aspect of your personality that needs improvement, with help you also can work on that.
