Dear Queenie,
I’ve been divorced for years and my children’s father has never been very much involved with them since he got married again and started a new family. When they visited his house all they did was sit around watching TV while he pretty much ignored them.
Now he’s divorced again and they are teenagers and they don’t want to ever go visit his house at all because there is nothing for them to do there. I hate forcing them to do something they don’t want to, but I need some alone time, which I only get when they are with him (or at least at his house).
Queenie, is it wrong to make them go?—Stressed out
Dear Stressed out,
You are lucky to be on such good terms with your children that they want to stay with you. Usually teenagers cannot wait to get out of their house.
Surely they can find something to do while they are at their father’s house – watch TV, play video games, go to the movies or a sporting event with him, whatever. Remind them that it is important that they have some kind of relationship with him, even if it is not exactly what the kind they would want.
And if you still need more alone time, maybe you could treat them to a trip to the movies or a sporting event, or get them involved in some teenagers service group or other volunteer work.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever my husband and I are out in public he can’t help staring at other women. Sometimes he even comments to me about their looks.
Queenie, whatever happened to “forsaking all others”?—Jealous wife
Dear Jealous,
It is perfectly normal for men – and women – to notice attractive members of the opposite sex other than their spouse. As long as they do not act on what they see, they have not broken their marriage vows.
Dear Queenie,
Last year my husband and I and our two teenagers went to visit my mother during summer vacation. Now she thinks we should do this every year, but there are other places we want to go and we only have just so many vacation days.
Then Mom said why not just send the kids to visit her during their summer vacation, which would give us sort of a vacation even if we didn’t have time off from work, and we could use our vacation days to go somewhere we might not want to take the kids, but my husband isn’t keen on letting the kids go alone.
Queenie, do you think this is a good idea?—Protective mother
Dear Mother,
Assuming your mother is capable of taking proper care of the children, yes. And if they are too young to travel alone, take them to your mother’s home, drop them off with her and go on to enjoy your vacation – honeymoon-style – without them. I am sure the children will equally enjoy a vacation with their grandmother without you hovering over them.
Dear Queenie,
I was dating a girl for a while and then we broke up. The problem is she talks about everything online and since we broke up she is saying nasty – untrue – things about me for everyone to see.
Queenie, is there any way I can get her to stop or get what she says deleted?—Ex-boyfriend
Dear Ex-boyfriend,
Once something gets into cyberspace it is almost impossible to be sure it has been deleted completely, if at all. However, what this girl says about you tells people as much, or more, about her as about you. It is too bad cyber-yakkers do not put their brains in gear before they start typing.
Dear Queenie,
My husband dotes on our daughter, but it seems there is nothing our son can do that he approves of. He says he isn’t going to coddle our son because he has to learn to “man up” but I think the way he treats him is nothing less than abusive.
Our son says things aren’t that bad, but our daughter says it scares her the way her father talks to her brother.
Queenie, what can I do?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
You can get professional help. Talk to your son’s school counsellor, if he has one, or perhaps your family doctor can recommend someone. The doctor also can determine whether this treatment is having an adverse effect on your children’s health, such as stress or even ulcers, and may recommend treatment, even counselling for them – which might turn out to be a wake-up call for your husband.
