Dear Queenie,
My fiancé eats with one hand and keeps the other hand in his lap except when he needs it to cut his food or pass a dish. I have never seen anything like this before.
Queenie, is this just a peculiarity or am I missing something?—Eating Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You fiancé’s way of eating is not a peculiarity, it is simply good table manners, according to etiquette guru Emily Post.
Dear Queenie,
When my father died he left my mother well-off enough to be financially independent if she is careful. However, I learnt that one of my sisters has borrowed quite a lot of money from Mom and although she promised to pay it back it seems she is doing so very slowly if at all.
I know my sister has problems, but Mom just doesn’t have enough money to fix them for her and I can’t afford to take care of either of them.
Queenie, how can I protect my mother from this kind of abuse?—Worried son
Dear Son,
If your mother is of sound mind she is not so much being abused as being taken advantage of. However, you are not wrong to be worried about this situation.
A family meeting might be in order to discuss how your mother’s money can best be used to take care of her needs first. Perhaps it would be a good idea to include a financial expert – an accountant or an attorney – in the discussion to act as advisor and mediator.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine does not discipline her son very much and he has a rude way of speaking and uses a lot of bad words. I do not let my children talk that way and I don’t like for them to hear the way he talks, so I try to keep them from going to their house to play.
But. Queenie, what do I do when she brings him to my house and he acts that way and she doesn’t even try stop him?—Offended
Dear Offended,
You tell the child that in your house you have certain rules of behaviour, explain to him (and to his mother) what the rules are. Make it clear to both of them that when he visits your house you expect him to abide by your rules and if he does not he will not be welcome to visit your home.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and I are twins and although we are not identical twins we are very much alike in a lot of ways and people like to look at us and compare how much we are alike. It bugs me when they do this because although I am fairly good-looking I know that my brother is more attractive than I am.
Queenie, what can I say when someone comments about this without being rude?—The other twin
Dear Twin,
Anyone who makes such a comment is him-/herself being rude. I do not believe in returning rudeness for rudeness, but I also do not believe it is necessary to be especially polite to anyone who is not treating you that way.
Depending on how insulted you feel and how polite you wish to be, you can reply, “Thank you for telling me,” or “Oh really? How kind (or ‘thoughtless,’ if you prefer to be less polite) of you to say so” – or just stare at them silently for a moment and walk away without saying anything.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter has been out of school for several years during which time she had two children which she says she never really wanted. Now she wants me to take in my grandchildren so she can go away to college and get her degree.
I love my grandchildren, but I am a widow not getting any younger and I am not up to taking care of young children full time all by myself, let alone having them live with me.
Queenie, how do I say “no”?—Elderly grandma
Dear Grandma,
You say “NO” loud and clear and as often as it takes for your daughter to get the message. There is no reason she cannot stay here, keep her job if she has one or get a job if she does not so she can pay for child care, and go to college here part-time to get her degree.
And while you are about it, tell your daughter that if she does not want children she should either not have sex or learn to use birth control effectively.
