Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I don’t live together but we’ve been going together for almost 20 years. The problem is he doesn’t want to get married and have children, but I’m getting older and if I don’t get pregnant soon it will be too late.
It breaks my heart to think of splitting up with him but there’s another man I know is attracted to me and I am getting to like him more and more.
Queenie, should I take my chances with this other man or stick with what I have?—Confused older woman
Dear Confused,
I am surprised you have stuck it out with your boyfriend so long if he does not have the same goals in life as you. Did you think he would change as he grew older? Not bloody likely, as the British would say. It is long past time you moved on.
However, what makes you think this other man would be any more interested in marriage and children than your present boyfriend? Give him a chance, but make sure you know just what kind of commitment he is willing to make, if any, and if it is not what you want, move on again.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and his wife will be visiting us over the Christmas holidays. When they stayed with us during the summer we found then smoking marijuana in our backyard. It’s legal where they live and they didn’t think anything about it.
We were very upset about this and so were our children, because it is illegal in St. Maarten and it is against the rules we have set for our home, and our children didn’t understand why they couldn’t do it if our guests could.
I want to make the rules clear to my brother and his wife before they come again, but my mother is afraid if I do they won’t come to visit us.
Queenie, should I listen to my mother?—Worried sister
Dear Sister,
Absolutely not! As you said, this is illegal in St. Maarten, even in the privacy of one’s own home. Is your mother willing to see you break the law – and possibly suffer the consequences thereof – just to keep peace in the family?
Tell your brother and sister-in-law they will have to abstain from their illegal pleasures while they stay with you, and if they cannot do without them for the duration of the visit they will have to stay at a hotel – which I am sure will not put up with this kind of behaviour either!
Dear Queenie,
I lost my job a while back and I’ve been hunting for a new one, but it’s hard these days. I don’t need the money, but it’s depressing not having someplace to go every day and not feeling useful.
Queenie, how do I get through all this?—Ex-employee
Dear Ex-employee,
Surely you have skills learned in your former job that would be useful to some community-service organisation. Not only will volunteer work keep you busy and make you feel useful again, it also will look very good on your resumé and you may make contacts that will help you in your job-search.
Dear Queenie,
I have a problem with my sister’s children. They tend to run around indoors and bump into things or trip over them and hurt themselves. I don’t let my children behave that way but my sister, their mother, thinks I’m being mean when I tell her children to behave better.
Queenie, don’t I have a right to set rules of behaviour in my own home?—Angry aunt
Dear Aunt,
Of course you do. And it is a good lesson for your nieces and/or nephews to learn – that there are different rules in different places. I am sure they will learn this as soon as they start school, if they have not started school already.
Dear Readers,
I frequently refer abuse victims to Safe Haven for help and Safe Haven has given me updated contact information to pass on to all of you. Here it is:
24-hour hotline number: 9333 or (721) 523-6400.
E-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten
I also take this opportunity to thank the people at Safe Haven for the good work they do.
