Dear Queenie,
Sometimes I like to talk over family matters with my married son that have nothing to do with his wife and then he talks to her about them and then she tells her own family about them.
I have asked him not to discuss certain things with her, but he still does it. He says they don’t have any secrets from each other.
Queenie, do you think this is right?—No privacy
Dear No privacy,
You have every right to ask your son to keep certain matters confidential, but he also has every right not to keep secrets from his wife, who is, let us face it, also a member (by marriage) of your family.
Because you know that she will “spread the news,” do not discuss anything with your son that you do not want him to tell her about.
Dear Queenie,
My sister who died recently was a single mother with 2 kids. Now my mother wants to take custody of the kids, but I worry about this because she drinks too much and I’m afraid of what might happen to the kids when she is too drunk to notice or to deal with them properly. I don’t want to offend her, but I don’t want to risk the kids’ wellbeing.
Queenie, how can I arrange to get custody and keep them away from their grandmother?—Worried aunt
Dear Aunt,
Talk this over with your mother. If this does not convince her to get her drinking under control, consult the Court of Guardianship.
And if you do get custody, do not keep the children completely away from their grandmother. Surely you can arrange for her to have supervised visits – even outings – with them.
Dear Queenie,
Many years ago my husband cheated on me and his byside had a son by him. We managed to keep our marriage together and he hasn’t cheated again (as far as I know).
He always gave his son’s mother financial support and visited his son occasionally. The son also comes to visit us occasionally during school vacations.
Queenie, my question is: How do I introduce this boy to strangers?—Puzzled wife
Dear Wife,
Technically, the boy is your stepson. You can just introduce him by name, with or without adding that he is your stepson or that he is your husband’s son.
Dear Queenie,
Years ago I dated this guy for several months until he broke up with me just like that. A couple of weeks later he wanted to get back together but he never mentioned that he was getting married that same week, which I found out later from someone else.
We’ve been seeing each other ever since he got married and sometimes he says he’s going to get a divorce but it never happens. I don’t want to break up his marriage but I love him too much to just give him up.
Queenie, what should I do?—Byside
Dear Byside,
This guy is a classic example of wanting to have his cake and eat it too. He will never leave his wife unless she gets wise to him and gets rid of him, but he will hang on to you as long as you let him – and very likely you are not (or will not be) his only byside.
Even if his wife does divorce him and he turns to you, you can bet your bottom dollar he will cheat on you the way he is cheating on her.
If you really do not want to break up his marriage, dump him!! Do it now, before you cause his wife and yourself irreparable harm, if you have not already done so.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and her sister are very close and always seem to be together or talking to each other on the phone. We don’t ever seem to get any time alone together, because her sister always seems to be there or to show up soon after we start. It gets to be so much that when she stays overnight with us sometimes I wonder why she isn’t there sleeping with us in our bed!
Queenie, am I making too much of this like my wife says or is this just too much togetherness?—Three’s a crowd
Dear Crowded,
Are these sisters perhaps twins? Twins often do seem to have a special bond.
That said, you are not making too much of this. There is a reason the marriage vows include the phrase “forsaking all others.”
Your wife should not have to give up her sister’s company altogether, but she should be willing to schedule a reasonable amount of “alone time” for just the two of you.
