Dear Queenie,
My husband is a real couch potato. He works hard and takes good care of me, but all he ever wants to do in his time off is lie around and watch TV.
Me, I like to go out and do things, like dinner out, visit friends, go to a concert or go dancing or jump up at Carnival, but he just isn’t interested, he says it’s no fun and too much trouble.
So I end up going by myself and sometimes I meet a nice guy who keeps me company and I can’t help thinking about doing more than just a night out with him.
Queenie, how can I get my husband to do things with me before I do something I know I will regret?—Tempted
Dear Tempted,
Has it occurred to you that your hard-working husband is just too tired to enjoy strenuous activities in his spare time? If that is the case, a visit to the doctor might help explain his lack of excess energy and, if there is a physical reason (like being overweight), might help him find ways to overcome his chronic fatigue.
Meanwhile, do your best to avoid situations that might lead to temptation. And consider marriage counselling – with your husband if you can persuade him to go (and if he is not too tired!).
Dear Queenie,
My brother has done some pretty bad things in the past. He never got caught by the police, but he came pretty close a couple of times and there were some things that never got reported but should have.
Now he’s going with a very nice girl and they are talking about getting engaged.
Queenie, should we warn his girlfriend’s family about him?—Worried brother
Dear Brother,
I think you should forget about the girlfriend’s family and tell the girlfriend directly whatever you have to say. Going behind her back to her family would seem – would be! – a rather sneaky way of handling the matter.
Either way your brother would not be pleased, and the sorry fact is that your interference may only bring the two of them closer together.
Dear Queenie,
My mother’s husband, my stepfather, used to abuse us all, even Mom, when we were growing up. Sometimes he was real nice, but other times he would slap us around and even punch us.
Now I have kids of my own I will not let them visit Mom because he is still there. She can come to visit me and even bring him along, but I won’t go to her house, with or without the kids.
Mom says this isn’t fair to her. She says I’m not letting her be a real grandmother to the kids, but I know she won’t protect them from her husband any more than she protected us from him.
Queenie, does this make me a bad daughter like she says?—Feeling guilty
Dear Feeling guilty,
No, it makes you a good mother. Your first responsibility is to protect your children.
It is not as if you have cut your mother out of your children’s lives. She can see them whenever she visits you. If she does not want to come to your house, that is on her, not on you.
Dear Queenie,
My fiancée wants to bring her children along on our honeymoon because she doesn’t trust their father to take care of them for more than a day at a time.
I just don’t like the idea of having kids along on what should be our private time.
Queenie, what do you think?—Stepfather-to-be
Dear Stepfather-to-be,
I agree with you – children do not belong on a honeymoon.
Is it not possible for you to make other arrangements for the children than staying the whole time with their father? Maybe hire a sitter or have grandparents or another relative(s) take them for part of the time, or at least look in on them frequently to make sure they are okay?
Dear Queenie,
My son lets my grandson (his son) use the bathroom at the same time he does, like one shaving while the other is taking a shower, and his wife is the same way with their daughters.
Queenie, do you think this is proper?—Bathroom Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
This certainly does seem to be my week for Etty Ket questions!
To answer yours, I do not see anything improper about it. It is much the same thing as people of the same sex sharing a locker room at school or at the gym.
