Dear Queenie,
Very often when I invite my husband’s brother over for dinner he will show up with a date without telling me in advance. That’s no problem when we’re having barbecue, but when it’s a sit-down meal I won’t have set a place for the extra person and it’s embarrassing and sometimes there’s not quite enough food to go around, especially if we’re having fancy desserts.
When I spoke to my brother-in-law and asked him to let me know in advance if he wants to bring someone else with him he got mad and now he won’t talk to me unless I apologize.
Queenie, should I?—Angry Hostess
Dear Hostess,
You do not owe your brother-in-law an apology. You have done nothing wrong and he has been extremely rude. However, for the sake of keeping peace in the family you can tell him you are sorry if you have offended him.
Meanwhile, ask your husband to speak to his brother on your behalf and tell him that if he is going to bring an extra guest he should let you know as far in advance as possible, even if it is just a few minutes, so you can prepare accordingly.
Dear Queenie,
I’m dating a widow whose husband passed away several years ago. The problem is her daughter who doesn’t like me at all. I don’t think it’s me personally, she just wouldn’t like any man her mother has anything to do with because he’s not her father who passed away.
Queenie, how can I get her to like me, or at least not hate me?—Widow’s boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
I doubt that you can get the daughter to like you, or at least not hate you, but that is not up to you.
As her mother, it is up to your lady friend to stand up to her daughter and make it clear to her that marriage vows clearly state “until death do us part,” which has happened, and now Mom wants to get on with her life and daughter does not have to like you but had better learn to be civil to you.
Dear Queenie,
I have been working for a certain business for a few months, but I have not been happy there and now I have been lucky enough to find a new job at a place I am sure I will like better and I will be quitting the old job soon.
The main reason I don’t like the old job is because my supervisor is mean and nasty and just plain disgusting to work for. That person will curse at you and use obscene language if you make a mistake or they just aren’t pleased for some reason and even if you do your work perfectly they will still get mad and claim they told you to do it differently or to do something else.
Queenie, my question is, should I go to the owners and tell them why I am leaving?—Fed up employee
Dear Employee,
By all means go to the owners and tell them what you have told me. They should know (if they do not already know) how this person treats his/her subordinates.
But save this conversation for the moment just before, or even after, you walk out their door for the last time. Do not give this “disgusting” supervisor, in case he or she finds out what you have said about him/her, any opportunity to vindictively treat you any worse than he/she already does.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend keeps asking me to prove I love him by making a baby for him. I don’t want to lose him, but I think I’m still too young to be a mother. He promises to take care of me and the baby and says we’ll get married when I finish high school.
Queenie, what will I do if I lose him? What if he stays and I get pregnant by accident? What if I make a baby for him and he leaves the both of us? Please tell me what to do.—Confused Teenager
Dear Teenager,
You do not seem all that confused to me – you are asking me all the questions I would ask you in response to your letter.
So – if you lose him because you refuse to make a baby for him, you will be free to find a better boyfriend, one who will not make such unreasonable demands on you.
If he stays – better yet, let us say “if you stay with him!” – learn all you can about contraception. Talk first to your family doctor about it and then go to a gynaecologist/obstetrician to learn more, and then take full charge of all contraceptive measures to make sure you do not get pregnant by accident. Most especially, do not rely on condoms – all it takes is a pinprick in one of them to make a baby!
And the answer to your third question is: DO NOT MAKE A BABY FOR HIM!!! A man who wants his woman to make a baby just to “prove she loves him” will probably not be a good father, and when you do have children you will want them to have the best father in the world.
Dear Queenie,
I recently recovered from a very serious illness and people are always asking me how I’m doing. Then when I tell them I’m all well again they start asking me for details about my illness which I really don’t want to talk about.
Queenie, how can I refuse without being rude?—All well again
Dear Well again,
Do not give them a chance to ask. As soon as you tell them you are all better, change the subject. If they persist in asking for details, just say, “Let’s talk about something more pleasant” and ask them how they have been doing. Most people do love to talk about themselves.
