Dear Queenie,
My wife died about a year ago after we were married for more than 40 years. Now I have met a very nice woman and I am thinking of asking her to marry me.
Queenie, do you think at our age (we are both in our 60s) we can make a go of it?—Lonely widower
Dear Widower,
Many people your age make successful new marriages, but it is not easy. At your age, one tends to be set in one’s ways and adapting to new situations – and relationships – can be difficult.
If you are thinking of marrying this woman merely because you are afraid of being alone, that is not sufficient. There are worse things than living alone, and one of the worst is living with the wrong person.
However, if you want to marry her because you cannot bear the thought of not having this particular woman in your life, and if both of you are willing and able to make the necessary changes in your habits, then yes, I think you can “make a go of it.”
Dear Queenie,
My wife is friends with a man where she works and they often have lunch together or go out for a couple of drinks after work. She doesn’t try to hide this from me and she says they’re just friends and there is nothing more to it and I believe her, but it bothers me that she talks to him about me and our marriage and I’m sure she tells him things that should be just between her and me.
Queenie, I don’t think this is right. What do you say?—Jealous husband
Dear Husband,
I think this would not bother you so much if your wife’s friend were a woman, but I also think she should not be talking to anyone, man or woman, about matters that should be kept between husband and wife.
If there is anything about your marriage that bothers her so much that she just has to talk to someone about it – other than you, of course – she should go to a professional marriage counsellor for help.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend says his friends think I don’t like them because I don’t mix in with their conversations. The fact of the matter is that I am very shy and it takes me a while before I get to know people well enough to feel comfortable chatting with them.
Queenie, I don’t want his friends to get the wrong idea about me. What should I do?—Shy girl
Dear Shy girl,
Ask your boyfriend to explain to his friends how shy you are and ask them to give you more time to get to know them. And do your best overcome your shyness, get to know them and join their conversations as quickly as you can.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s brother is getting married and we’ve been invited to the wedding, but my parents haven’t. When my sister got married my wife’s parents were invited.
Queenie, is there a problem here? Why do you think my parents were left out? Should we be offended?—Invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Different families have different standards regarding how far they extend the concept of “family.” It is possible your in-laws do not have as broad a definition of the word as your family does. It is also possible that they are trying to limit the guest list for financial reasons, or that the omission was merely a mistake.
Have your wife ask her parents why your parents were not invited, and be prepared to accept whatever the answer is in good spirits. Unless there has been some bad feeling between the two sets of parents, I am sure no offence was intended.
Dear Queenie,
My son is learning good English in school, but in his father’s family they don’t speak good English and when my son hears it sometimes he speaks up and corrects them.
I have explained to him that this is bad manners and he shouldn’t do it but he says that is what they do to him in school.
Queenie, how do I explain the difference to him?—Smartypants’ mother
Dear Mother,
Tell your son he goes to school to learn new things and it is the job of the people there to teach him these new things. However, it is not up to him to teach these things to the adults in his life – in fact it is rude of him to try to do so in a social situation.
If he thinks he has heard something wrong he should come to you privately and ask you about it and you can then tell him whether he is correct, but he should not be trying to correct his adult relatives’ mistakes.
